


Forget all the shooting stars and all the silver moons...

by FreakingOutGirl



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: AU Meeting, After juvie but before Tilda, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Andrew and Neil were in a relationship, Andrew is softer than in canon, Andrew lived with Neil for one year, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Mary made a deal with Andrew, Neil and Andrew meet before Palmetto, Neil kept his distance for Andrew's safety, Nightmares, No one knows they knew each other, Reunion Fic, Romantic Fluff, comfort drives, mentions of Riko Moriyama, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-11-13 10:39:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 24,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11183397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreakingOutGirl/pseuds/FreakingOutGirl
Summary: Andrew had just left Juvie, at 15, and nothing in his future called him, until he met a boy running from a wild dog and saved him.That boy gave Andrew the home he never had, until external forces separated them.For years, Neil worried about Andrew, only finding his whereabouts after Andrew joined the Foxes.For Andrew's safety, Neil kept his distance, but now, with Neil signing with the Palmetto Foxes can those two finally reunited and live the life they were meant to? Or are the ghosts from the past too strong to let them walk out of the darkness?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, yeah, this is a totally a meet-under-different-circumstances kind of fic.  
> I'm going to change some things, like Andrew spending only two years in Juvie and then not going to live immediately with Tilda and Aaron (it will happen at sixteen like in the book).  
> The mandated drugs will have a shorter period of time, too.  
> And Andrew's deal with Kevin will be different, since I will need him to leave from time to time, even after Kevin went to Wymack for help. Their deal isn't as strong as in the book, for example Andrew doesn't follow Kevin everywhere. You will understand why in chapter two.  
> And I totally heard over and over and over "for him" by Troye Sivan while writing this, good god, that boy is my favorite Andreil singer!

“Andrew is not coming back!”

The fifteen years-old boy stared up at the woman uttering those words with something akin to shock. The duffel bag he had in his hands slipped from his fingers, falling with barely a sound, or at least, the boy was too far away to really register it.

“What?” the boy’s voice was hoarse, like he had a sudden cold.

“He was caught by the system. Apparently, he has a family, a mother and a twin brother.” The woman’s voice was sharp, but not unkind. It was like she was talking about the weather.

“How do you know?”

“I asked one of my contacts. I put ourselves in danger doing that! Now we can do nothing for him and we have to leave today. It’s too risky! If they somehow find something about him…” the woman was already grabbing her own bag, making sure everything was inside.

“Mom…” the boy didn’t move to grab his bag. He was still staring at the woman, clearly hoping against hope that she would retract her words and everything would be alright again.

“ _Move! Quick!_ ” his mom ordered, pulling him, but the boy was still frozen. “What the hell are you doing? We have to go now! Forget about Andrew! He was a liability anyway! I already paid my debt to him! I gave him a safe place to stay and made sure that guy was killed!” the woman grabbed the boy’s bag and pushed it into his chest.

The boy followed his mom with mechanical movements.

_Breathe…_

_Walk…_

_Pretend everything is normal…_

_Don’t think about him…_

_Andrew…_

_Andrew…_

_Andrew…_

 

* * *

 

 

The boy could remember perfectly how Andrew had left five days ago with his mother to get something for them to eat. His mom had come back alone, saying they were followed and had to split. And then, they waited for Andrew to come back. And waited… and waited… and waited…

_But Andrew was not coming back._

_He left him alone… He had his family now…_

_No, no, no!_

_Andrew wouldn’t do that to him!_

_He promised!_

_And Andrew never broke a promise!_

_He would come back!_

_If only they waited a bit more, he would be able to escape the system!_

**_Slap!_ **

The boy felt the slap with surprise. In a moment, his mom was walking in front of him and in the next second, she had turned around and slapped his cheek with cold detachment.

“Stop thinking about him! Andrew is a weakness we can’t have!”

The boy blinked, saw his mother rise her hand again and flinched away. She stopped before her hand touched his face again. Her glare and the promise of more was enough to make him start moving towards the exit. She turned around and walked in front of him, her hand inside her pocket, where he knew she kept her gun.

The boy tried to be as quiet as possible while putting his hand inside his pocket and letting a small origami fall to the floor. It was their thing, Andrew's and his, something they learned together and used to write messages to each other, but he was not sure if it was enough. He hoped his mother didn't see  him letting the message fall, but she was unpredictable in such a way, that he felt equal parts safe and terrified. He had to let Andrew know that he was not abandoning him, that he wanted to stay, that he wanted to wait...

_If only he could wait a little bit more…_

_But he couldn’t…_

 

The sharp taste of blood in his tongue and the reckoning force in front of him made him sure of that…

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil Josten receives a proposition that might give him the thing he has been hoping for for the last few years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you didn't read the note in the first chapter, Andrew's mandated drugs have a shorter period, which means he is already clean from them. And there was no Proust in the facility, either, just so you know.

Neil Josten was not happy.

He could feel the origami that he had been messing with, just a few moments ago, while the smoke from the cigarette invaded his nostrils, being crushed inside his fist.

Not only did Coach Hernandez sent a video of him playing to someone without his consent, that someone was right now trying to convince him into joining the worst Class I Exy team…

And worst of all, Kevin Day was sitting nonchalantly in front of him, surrounded by papers. Neil wondered if he was the one responsible for locking the exit and thought about mentioning the danger of it in case of fire, or in his case, in case of wanting to run away to never be found again.

However, there was someone conspicuously lacking from his welcoming party. Neil looked around, his heart almost jumping to his throat. He was searching for a blonde man he hadn’t seen in years, a blonde man that he refused to hope to see again. A blonde man that he knew was always shadowing Kevin since the moment he step foot on Palmetto State University.

However, Andrew Minyard was nowhere to be seen.

“Where is Andrew?” Neil asked without thinking. _Did something happen to him? An accident? A fight?_

“Andrew is away for a few days…” Wymack said, but Neil couldn’t ignore the way his eyebrows rose at his sudden curiosity about his goalkeeper. “Weird habit… Don’t ask…”

Neil looked at Kevin again, waiting for him to recognize him, even after all those years. That fear was the reason he kept his distance from Andrew even after finding him at Palmetto State. Andrew wouldn’t be safe if Kevin recognized Neil and to add up found out they knew each other as well. Keeping his distance was the only way to keep Andrew safe, he had to convince himself of it every time he read something about the goalkeeper, be it his behavior on court, the way he recently went into rehab from the mandated drugs he took after almost killing four men, the way no one knew what to expect when he went back into the game with a clear head…

Wymack was talking about Neil signing with them and the only thing Neil could think about was being in a court in orange and white and having Andrew behind him, guarding the goal. Neil knew Andrew played the game while he was in juvie and, through the articles he read about the Foxes after Kevin joined them, that Andrew re-picked the sport after he actually went to live with his mother and brother. No one knew where he was during the time he was missing, since Andrew refused to open his mouth about the issue. Neil didn’t want his heart to beat excitedly every time he thought about it, but it did anyway… _Andrew always kept his promises and protecting the boy Neil was at the time was one of them…_

“Kevin, Coach Hernandez, can you leave us alone for a few minutes?” Wymack asked and begrudgingly both men walked out.

Neil looked at Wymack, hearing his words paint a pretty future, a future he knew he couldn’t have… But if it meant Exy and Andrew… Was Neil brave enough to put his life on the line for those two things? Well, he didn’t have to think twice about that… The touch of Andrew’s lips on his the first time they kissed was a ghost on his mind… Would he be too angry? He left behind the origami, but could a piece of paper really confirm everything that the boy he was at the time wanted to say? That he didn’t want to leave him behind, that he was too weak to go against his mother, that he hoped they could meet again?

However, no wishful thinking could help him when his mother made sure to change the plans they had made together with Andrew and completely erase their tracks…

Neil wasn’t sure he had answered with a coherent sentence, but Wymack’s expression was relieved instead of irritated. That made Neil realize that accepting those damning and tempting papers was answer enough for Wymack…

They almost burned inside Neil’s hands, the small crumbled swan, a memory from the past, mixing with the papers of his future.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The days between Wymack and Kevin’s visit stretched endlessly, making Neil’s mind fly aimlessly into the past.

He could remember clearly the first time he met Andrew.

_The boy was fourteen and Andrew fifteen._

_Andrew had left the juvie facility that same day… escaped was a more accurate word, since he was supposed to go with his uncle to meet his mother, but bailed on him the first opportunity he got, using a bathroom break and its small but unlocked window, and wandered around the city instead._

_And during those wandering hours, he met a boy with blond hair and green eyes running from a wild dog. A boy that he protected with rocks until the dog ran away. A boy that he sat with, sharing some food (Andrew never said it, but he knew he was famished), until a woman found them and almost ripped the boy’s arm from his body with her will to leave the place._

_Now, Andrew was not what you might call a concerned citizen, but something in those two made him follow them._

_“I saved your kid…” he said and the woman turned around, ready to flee again. “You are indebted to me. You are running from someone… You probably don’t want people to hear rumors about it…”_

_The boy asked him more than once what made him say that and what made him accept Mary’s proposition of accompanying them, and every time Andrew shrugged._

_“You looked like a rabbit being manhandled like that… I don’t like when parents treat their kids like shit…” but he conjectured that Andrew probably needed somewhere to be as well, far away from his traumatic past and unpredictable future or that he might be trying a different route this time by being his own brand of protector, trying to save a kid when no one tried to save him._

_He always pondered why Mary didn’t kill Andrew the first opportunity she got and that thought alone made him sick to his stomach every time it came up. But still, he couldn’t understand her decision… A woman like her was not to be played with…_

_However, he always thanked whatever stopped Mary’s finger from pressing a trigger or taking a knife. Andrew became a foundation rock in his life. He was much more than a companion, he was a friend, something more than a friend actually…_

Neil felt his fingers touch his lips once again, and he tried to ignore the way they tingled remembering Andrew’s. He jumped from his mindset and tried to actually keep his life as normal as possible.

May 12th was coming up fast and Neil had no idea what to say or do when he finally found himself face to face with Andrew.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil arrives at Palmetto. What could be expecting him?

The plane trip was uneventful, so, instead of distressing about planes crashing, Neil’s mind kept worrying about what was expecting him on the ground. Or more precisely who was expecting him...

With a small smile, he remembered Andrew’s fear of flying and smirked, recalling Andrew’s reaction when, the first time they flew, he grabbed Andrew's hand when the plane started trembling. He didn’t know if Mary saw it, but now, thinking back, she probably did. He wondered if that made it easier for her to leave Andrew behind… She always said attachments were weaknesses; that feelings were not to be thought about, unless they were about self-preservation…

Neil knew she would be incredibly disappointed at him right now… But then again, she didn’t know how it felt when Andrew disappeared, how his lungs couldn’t expand to let enough air in, how he kept dreaming of Andrew hurt in a ditch, somewhere… Of someone like Drake finding him again… For a long time, he kept hoping that Andrew learned enough from their time together to be able of defending himself in a situation like that… and only when he read about him defending his cousin from four men did Neil realize just how much he actually took from their life on the run…

In moments like these, Neil feared their year together did more bad than good… that maybe they somehow normalized death to his already unusual psyche, that they might have hurt him without a conscious thought… Neil felt a shiver run down his body and closed his eyes during the rest of the trip.

Neil sighed when the plane touched ground, grabbed his duffel and walked towards the meeting point.

His eyes moved around in quick motions, assessing the people and the space, until they found what he was looking for.

The blonde hair was the same as he remembered, just a bit messier, but the clothes were more colorful and his stance was different from what Neil recalled. Neil’s heart jumped inside his chest with every step taken, every meter disappearing under his quick moving legs.

And then, he froze.

_The man wasn’t Andrew._

Neil was sure he would recognize Andrew with his eyes closed. His first mistake was hoping, his second was forgetting all his mother taught him about body language. The man was exactly like Andrew would look at almost twenty years old, but Neil knew who the guy was and felt the hope in his heart deflate and be replaced by something akin to anger.

Aaron Minyard. Andrew’s twin. The man Andrew had lived with for the last few years. The man he went to juvie to protect.

Neil’s mixed feelings about the blonde were clear in his face, he knew it. So, he slowed his steps, pretended to check something on his bag, took a few deep breathes and finally restarted towards him.

“Neil, right?” Aaron asked when Neil stopped in front of him and he nodded.

This close, the differences between the twins were many and Neil berated himself for mixing them up, even for a few instants and from a distance. And then, he froze… Because what did he know about Andrew nowadays? He had read every news reports about the goalkeeper, about the menace he was, the wild card in a team full of former junkies, gang members, trailer trash and all around renegades… Could he even remember the boy Neil was? _Did he want to remember?_

Neil looked at Aaron, noticing he was a few inches shorter and wondered if Andrew was still shorter than him, just like when they were together.

“Yes, you are Aaron, right?” Neil replied, taking the hand Aaron extended. “I saw your picture on the team’s online page…”

“Good thinking…” Aaron said, and Neil wondered if he was talking about checking the team or knowing immediately that he was not his crazy twin.

Aaron looked around, in search of Neil’s other baggage and the younger man showed him his duffel bag.

“Just that?” Aaron’s eyebrows rose in surprise and Neil nodded.

He was not sure why, but he didn’t feel like talking to Aaron right now, not when his mind was full with his twin.

“I’m going to take you to Coach’s house…” Aaron said, when they started walking towards the parking lot.

Neil wondered if Andrew would be there and once again his traitorous heart jumped. _Fucking idiot!_

When Aaron parked in front of the building, Neil saw two other men waiting for them on the curb. Kevin was recognizable everywhere and the other one next to him could only be Nicholas Hemmick, the twins’ cousin. It would be a lie if Neil said he didn’t try to stalk the cousin online in search of news about Andrew, between him and Aaron, Nicholas was clearly the most active of the two. But, even after his research, his results came up empty, anyway… apparently, social media and Andrew didn’t mix well.

Nicholas waived excitedly at them, while Kevin stood uncomfortably like a statue.

“Hi! I’m Nicky! You must be Neil, nice to meet you!” Nicky’s voice was excited, much more than Neil expected for a first meeting.

Kevin acknowledged him with a nod and Aaron with another.

“God, you are so serious!” Nicky complained and he put an arm over Neil’s shoulder. “See, I’m the funny one of the bunch… Seriously, they only play and study and get drunk… I have fun!” Nicky’s other arm was moving around and Neil felt a bit constricted with the proximity. Without trying to hurt Nicky’s feelings, Neil untangled himself from his kind of hug and looked around. He didn’t know why, but he was starting to feel incredibly worried about Andrew. For what he read, he spent an unhealthy part of his time next to Kevin and now was the second time Neil met the striker without Andrew shadowing him. _Where was he?_

“…the rest of us stays with Abby… With Andrew away you could stay there, but we are never sure when he is going to return, so…” Nicky was talking, but only when he mentioned Andrew’s name, did Neil pay attention.

“Coach said he was away…” Neil tried to be nonchalant about it, but had no idea if he was successful or not.

“He has this weird habit of coming and going…” Nicky explained, while they moved towards the building. “When he couldn’t drive because of the medication he used to take buses or trains and go away for two or three days at a time… Now, he can drive again… so he went away while Coach and Kevin went to sign you and went away again just yesterday… it was really weird, he was supposed to be here today, but he suddenly took his bag and flew like a bat out of hell… He didn’t even tell us anything, just answered his phone hours later to say he was free to go wherever he wanted and to keep Kevin always under our sight…” Nicky pouted and Aaron sent him a reproachful look, probably because of his big mouth and gossipy nature. Neil had an inkling that Aaron thought the newcomer had no business knowing about Andrew's private life.

Neil looked at Kevin then, after Nicky noticed Aaron's glare and sighed apologetically. He could see the striker was not happy with the situation, be it Andrew’s unruly behavior or him leaving Kevin behind.

“So, I should take the rest of your stuff from the car?” Nicky volunteered, trying to break the weird silence that fell over them and Neil shook his head.

“No, it’s only this…” and nodded to his duffel bag under the incredulous look of Nicky's widening eyes.

After mentioning his aversion to a simpler life, Nicky showed Neil the way into the building, keeping his mouth running a mile a minute.

“Well, here it is…” Nicky said, stopping in front of Coach’s door and waiting for Aaron to fish a key from his pockets.

Awkward was a word too tame to describe the next hours of Neil’s life, between almost having a panic attack before entering the apartment to almost beg Coach for a safe and then be totally destroyed on court, after having to lie his way out of a conversation about his sexuality, Neil was ready to classify it as awful, if it wasn’t for the feeling of exhilaration that he felt with a racquet on his hand and running around in a court.

Neil could barely believe this was his life now…

But still, a question kept beating inside his brain like a little heart pumping blood through the body. 

_Andrew Joseph Minyard, where the hell are you?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Run and hide!!!) Yup, you didn't think it would be this easy, right? But don't despair, it would be worth it!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team comes back to Palmetto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a thing, I'm keeping Neil's fake name from the time he lived with Andrew a surprise. It's a cute thing I came up with, and I hope when it's revealed, on next chapter, you will find it cute too...

The weeks between Neil arriving and the rest of the team coming back were both awful and amazing. Amazing because he could play to his heart’s content, had a couch to sleep on, even if he still kept his distance from Coach Wymack (even if he was starting to realize the man's bravado was just a motivational kind of thing and he would never hurt first, only to defend), and actually ate more than canned food. Awful, because Kevin was a dictator on the court, crushing every hope of Neil ever being good enough to play in the same space as him, awful because he could barely sleep at night, plagued by old nightmares. Nightmares he started having only after Andrew was taken away, of him dying, hurting, and yelling for help, and Neil unable of helping, over and over. Because, even after all this time, Andrew was still away and Neil could see how it affected the rest of the group, even if they didn’t talk about that. Kevin was more merciless with every passing day, Nicky kept going back and forth on his phone, too coward to actually call his cousin, and Aaron would glare angrily at anyone who brought up Andrew’s name.

Neil started falling into old habits, running until his body could no longer continue, until he would find a park bench or a tree and make them his resting place, immediately searching for a rumpled piece of paper he always kept on his pants and started folding it, over and over.

Neil wondered, more than once, how Andrew would react if Neil stole Nicky’s phone and just called him to ask him to come back home… Would he even answer?

And what in hell was so important that he went away for so long, leaving his family and Kevin behind? Kevin, that for what Neil overheard in a conversation between him and Coach Wymack, had somehow, made a deal with Andrew to protect him after he left the Ravens…

 

_“He promised to protect me, but said he needed time away from time to time…” Kevin had said after Coach asked him when Andrew would come back. “He made me promise I would keep close to you or the group when he was away… But he wouldn’t tell me where he was going…”_

_“It has been too long… He usually went away for a few days, but it’s been almost a month…” Coach was worried and Kevin was too, but neither of them confessed it. They were similar in that way._

_“Now with Edgar Allen coming south… Do you think Riko did something to him?” Kevin asked, worriedly, but Wymack shook his head._

_“Andrew is good at defending himself, they wouldn’t be able of catching him unprepared…”_

 

Neil didn’t want to let his worries overtake him, but it was getting harder and harder with every passing day. The threat Kevin spoke about, floated over Neil’s head like a storm cloud, thundering at every moment of the day. The Ravens were dangerous and their fans likewise, what if, spurred by Kevin playing with the Foxes they decided to get revenge on Andrew?

Neil started spending entire nights awake, the origami would pile on Wymack’s coffee table and couch and the dark shadows under his eyes were starting to worry not only Abby, but the Coach and the rest of the group too.

“You are just like Andrew with your paper toys…” Nicky commented once, when he found Neil finishing a paper fox. He had observed Neil worriedly, noticing his haggard expression and thought that his comment would make him roll his eyes at least.

But Neil had looked at him with a threatening glint in his eyes and Nicky never commented his strange hobby again. 

 

* * *

 

 

The day the rest of the team was scheduled to arrive, Neil felt his nervous system jump-start many times. He wanted them here, and at the same time, having the rest of the team together and Andrew still missing, made his stomach queasy. Neil had read a few news articles about the infighting in Wymack’s team, the way the many strong personalities crashed against each other keeping them from reaching full potential, and he knew a lot of them would be happy if Andrew didn't appear. Neil just hoped that when Andrew finally appeared he wouldn't be too angry with Neil and blow up his opportunity of actually making a good life for himself. Neil knew people would call him naive, but he was hopeful that Andrew without drugs would have a fighting spirit as big as the one he used to have when living with the boy he used to be and his mother. 

* * *

 

The day went slow, with Abby’s shocked reaction to his scars and Matt’s full personality the highlights of it, until the rest of the team arrived. Leaving his bag behind, even if inside a vault, still felt weird, especially in a strange place like Foxtower, but he knew it would be weirder to carry it around. So, Neil swallowed his fears, imagined Andrew’s scoff at his over-protectiveness and went with Matt and the girls back to the Foxhole Court. They were nice to him, not asking too many questions, and actually giving out information about themselves even without Neil asking. Matt and Dan liked to hum the musics playing on the radio, while Renee moved her head softly to the sounds floating around the truck, with a calm demeanor surrounding her whole body. Neil thought Renee was a much bigger threat than Matt's huge frame or Dan's strong words, and wondered she and Andrew worked around each other.

Neil and the upperclassmen arrived almost at the same time as Nicky, Kevin and Aaron, and as soon as Neil jumped out of the truck, he could overhear, even from a distance, Nicky grumbling about having to drive a rental car because Andrew took off with theirs. It was not the first time he heard that conversation, but still, it was another reminder at Andrew’s absence. Not that Neil needed another one, when his night was permeated with the many horrors that could befall the blond man while away in his merry fucking trip.

When they entered the locker room, only Wymack and Abby were waiting for them. While everyone chose their seats, Neil stood on the doorway, trying to understand where to sit. When everyone was already resting, he finally decided for the chair, which kept him from being too close to any of the others and helped him keep the entire room under his surveillance.

Conversations about Summer vacations floated through the air, coming more fluently from Dan, Abby and Matt, filling the otherwise tense silence of the locker room. 

When finally the last two members of the team arrived, the tension in the room rose, and no Summer happiness could dissipate it. Dan and Renee were happy to see Allison, but Seth was another matter altogether. The evil eye he sent Kevin, Nicky and Aaron was enough to freeze hell, and not even Matt’s fake-animated voice was able of diffusing the awkward feeling that invaded the space. 

 When Allison choose Neil’s chair to sit, Seth’s evil glare moved from the group of three to him, but Neil refused to start a confrontation. Neil Josten was a shy young man that wouldn't start a fight with a teammate just because he looked and acted and probably was an asshole. 

“Where is the monster?” Allison asked, looking around the room and noticing Andrew’s absence.

Wymack took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes. For a moment, Neil thought he would answer in a snappy tone, but alas, Wymack was always surprising Neil. 

“He hasn’t come back yet…” Wymack answered, and everyone could hear the tiredness in his voice. He was worried, everyone could see and Neil, that spent the last few weeks sleeping under the same roof, wondered just how much sleep the Coach lost, disparaging about the blond's disappearance. Neil was sure Coach wasn't like Nicky and tried to call Andrew many times... Which probably meant Andrew couldn't or didn't want to be found, at least for now...

 

“Wrong, Coach!” a voice said from the door that Seth had left open and everyone turned to look at the familiar figure entering the room.

“Thank god!” Neil heard Abby sigh, and saw the tension leave her shoulders. She had been as worried as Wymack, a worry that actually had a physical manifestation in her body language. Neil could now see just how coiled she had been and how Andrew's voice made that tension evaporate, almost immediately. 

Wymack turned to look at Andrew’s approaching and his eyes squinted in angry lines. Goodbye,worry! Hello, angry as fuck"

“Where the fuck have you been? I was starting to wonder if I should buy a coffin or call the police! There's something called answering that piece of shit you call your phone!” Wymack yelled and Andrew shrugged, his right hand still holding a travel bag. 

Andrew's expression was placid, even if anyone could see his eyes were red with lack of sleep. Dark shadows under his eyes were a disconcerting thing against his pale cheeks. And his clothes were clearly rumpled from time on the road. All of those, Neil knew better than his own name... 

Andrew's hazel and tired eyes roamed around the room, starting with his own group, observing every of its members, cataloging any injury or anomaly. Apparently happy with what he found, his eyes kept their wandering, observing the rest of the team, sneering at everyone else with the exception of Renee, that he waved at. When he finally found Neil’s chair where he and Allison were perched together, his eyes widened in a barely suppressed surprise.

Neil hold his head high, looking at him directly.

The bag slipped from Andrew’s fingers, but he didn’t even try to secure it or recover it from the floor. His eyes were immovable, fixing Neil, like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

Neil felt his lips move against his will, until they formed the shape of a soft smile.

Andrew was here.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew and Neil meet again.

Andrew’s eyes darkened.

“The last month just became useless…” he said simply and finally looked down at his bag. He bent to take it and turned around, towards the door he just entered minutes ago.

“Where are you going?” Wymack asked, stretching an arm in front of Andrew, cutting his way out without touching him.

“Cough, cough… I’m sick, Coach… I can’t let your precious bunch of misfits get sick too, not with a new rising star on the team…” Andrew’s fake cough continued, while his eyes glared at Wymack’s arm, daring him into keeping it there for another second.

The Coach was wise enough to take away his arm. Andrew’s barely suppressed hint of violence in his eyes was discernible to anyone close enough to him.

“Andrew…” Wymack tried again, but the blonde shook his head.

“If you put me in that Court right now I won’t be responsible for my actions…” it was all Andrew said, but it was enough for Wymack to understand that for once Andrew was putting his safety and the rest of the team’s into consideration and that something strong enough just happened in the few moments between Andrew entering and wanting to leave again. Now, what the hell that was, Wymack had no idea…

* * *

 

Neil saw Andrew walk towards the door and disappear beyond the threshold.

For a few seconds, he wondered if leaving Andrew in peace was the right thing to do… but something in the back of his head beckoned him into following him… He needed to let Andrew know that he was here for him, that he was not putting Exy in front of him, that he would leave this team and this future if he so much asked…

And so, Neil jumped to his feet, making Allison fall ungraceful to the floor at the sudden change of weight on the chair. He looked around the team, uttered a small apology at Allison and ran out.

“Josten! Come back here!” he heard Wymack’s yell and Nicky’s _“What the fuck just happened?”_ , but before long he was too far away to discern the words everyone was throwing around.

Andrew was no longer in view and while Neil ran through the stadium he wondered how disappointed Andrew was, because, obviously, Neil knew where he was, there was no surprise in his eyes when Andrew appeared and Andrew knew that. Just like Neil knew he was probably being followed by the rest of the team, that it wouldn’t take them long to connect Andrew’s weird behavior and his presence, since he ran away so suddenly in pursuit of the blonde.

When he left the stadium, he finally saw Andrew, some distance away from him. Neil was still able of seeing his blonde hair shining under the sun and the black clothes stuck to his body.

“Andrew!” Neil called.

Andrew kept walking, but when he heard Neil’s running behind him, stopped suddenly and turned around with malice flashing from his eyes.

“Well, well… We have a runaway boy right here… and he is running too…” Andrew droned in a bored voice. “Here I was thinking he might be in danger… Silly me…”

“Andrew…” Neil said again. Apparently that was everything he was able of saying now.

 “And he remembers my name… And for the lack of surprise he knew where I was too… I wonder why I never received a paper plane about this…” Andrew’s voice didn’t sound cold or cruel, but for Neil it felt like knives cutting into his stomach.

Andrew scoffed at Neil.

“Go back to your hole… _Joseph_ …” Andrew said, the name almost an afterthought, but it was enough for Neil to feel the pain in his words, hidden away behind his mask of boredom. Neil knew that Andrew, after being officially adopted by Tilda, took her last name, but as a middle name he chose Joseph. Maybe that was why the name had such impact on Neil’s psyche.

He remembered the day he found out where Andrew was living and what his middle name was, how it was all thanks to Kevin suddenly appearing in Palmetto State. He remembered laying on the floor of the decrepit house he was staying in, for an entire day, imagining Andrew choosing that name, letting some part of the boy Joseph was live in the outside world, choosing to use that name as his own, as some kind of remembrance for everything they had been through, even if no one else knew it.

Andrew turned back again and Neil saw his last opportunity starting to disappear. Feeling eyes on the back of his head and knowing the team was observing them, Neil hoped Andrew still remembered the language.

“She died… I burned her body inside the car and buried her bones in a beach… Andrew, she is no more…” Neil said, using the rusty Russian he had learned with Andrew during their year together.

Andrew stopped again, but didn’t turn.

“I wanted to wait for you! I hoped you would be able to meet us in the next safe house, but she changed the route! I knew you would come back! I knew it! I knew it! You promised! You promised!” Neil was repeating the same words, over and over, barely noticing it. It was like he was a broken record and someone just played him with no sense of how much broken he actually was.

And suddenly Neil was no longer in a parking lot. There was no blond hair, no hazel eyes, no hurt expression, grounding him.

He was floating, _he was floating…_

He was in a beach, at night, watching the flames lick the metal and plastic, smelling smoke and burned meat, feeling his throat constrict and his lungs close, feeling the vomit in his mouth, the miles he walked with the smoke still in his nose, the weight of bones in his back, the hot temperature and the ashes they left in his hands.

And then he was no longer breathing as someone was supposed to. His ragged breathes and the sound of waves were the only thing in his mind, and his hands scratched his neck in search of relive, but he couldn’t find it, and he couldn’t see anything, everything was dark, there was no fire, no ocean, no road, no cars, _nothing, nothing, nothing…_

 

“Breathe, you fucking idiot!” Andrew’s voice permeated through the void, but still, it felt too far away. He felt something pressing down on his neck, but was too far away to understand what.

Neil felt pain in his knees and something soft against his nose. It smelled of chocolate and cigarette smoke. It smelled like Andrew.

Neil had no idea how much time had passed when the darkness started to recede. He could now hear birds and traffic sounds. He could hear someone breathing close to him. He could now open his eyes and see a black t-shirt in front of his eyes. He could feel a hand stroking the back of his head. For a moment, Neil wondered if he was dreaming. He felt so good he could fall asleep.

“If you fall asleep on me I’m going to fucking kill you this time!” Andrew’s mouth was right next to his ear and Neil shivered at feeling his lips moving against his skin.

Neil took a deep breath, rose his head from Andrew’s shoulder and looked up.

“I hate brown…” was the only thing Andrew said and Neil realized he was talking about his contacts.

“You hated green too…” Neil replied in a barely there voice and Andrew scoffed.

“Get the fuck up! We gave them enough of a show already!” Andrew barked and Neil jumped. During his panic attack he had forgotten about the rest of their teammates gawking at them, and peaking over his shoulder, he saw them displaying different expressions of shock and fear. Matt was apparently being held by Dan, looking like he wanted to intervene, Renee was looking worriedly at them, Nicky had his hands over his mouth and his eyes were wide, Aaron had a lost expression on his face, while Seth sneered at them over Allison’s shoulder, whose lips were in a hard and pale line. Kevin was right in front of the group, his eyes confused and moving between the two men like the answer was right there.

And then Abby and Wymack were moving towards them.

Andrew moved before Neil could blink, one arm stretched in front of Neil.

“Don’t come close!” he warned in a clipped voice.

“Neil might have injured himself!” Abby said and Neil wondered how he had reacted while under the crutches of terror. He could feel some lingering pain in his scalp, so he probably tried to rip away part of his hair. That was probably the reason Andrew was stroking it. And he could now feel a metal taste in his mouth indicating he probably had bitten his own tongue or the inside of his mouth, joining the scratches on his neck that were pulsing with a light pain.

“If you touch us you won’t live to regret it!” Andrew replied and Neil noticed that he was tense as well, like a coiled spring.

“Andrew…” Wymack called and Andrew shook his head.

“We are leaving, now!” Andrew informed and Neil looked at him, in confusion. But before he could ask anything, Andrew was already rising up and Neil followed him, slowly. He felt his muscles unlock from the tension he had kept them in. Neil felt like he had run a marathon, his body was heavy and tired.

“Come on, rabbit!” Andrew called, without looking back.

Neil felt his lips drawing a smile at the use of his old nickname.

* * *

 

 

_“You look like a rabbit!” Andrew accused._

_Joseph had looked at him, confused. The weird energy running around his body after so much time inside was making him start to tremble. He wanted to run outside, but his mother deemed it too dangerous. He couldn’t even go to school this time, so he spent the majority of his time inside, studying the books his mom had arranged for him and Andrew to keep up with what they were supposed to be studying at school._

_“What?”_

_“You are jumping on your chair! I can’t concentrate with you always making some fucking noise!” Andrew was trying to translate something from Russian, and Joseph was making it harder than it was supposed to be._

_“Do you want help? I already did that exercise!” Joseph smiled carefree and Andrew looked at him like it was the first time he saw the boy in front of him. “Why are you staring at me? Are you that surprised I’m this smart?” Joseph laughed and Andrew blinked._

_“I hate rabbits…” was Andrew’s only comment and if Joseph was already lost, that remark only confused him even more._

_Only later, did he understand what that moment really meant to Andrew._

* * *

 

“Can you fucking stop daydreaming? I’m at 93% with you!” Andrew was already opening the car’s door. “If you reach 100%, I will leave without you!”

Neil chuckled under his breath and both Wymack and Abby looked at each other in complete shock. When they saw the younger man enter the car and close the door, they stood there, watching it leave the parking lot.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Foxes talk about theories, while Andrew and Neil drive away.

The car had already disappeared beyond the traffic rush, when Wymack and Abby talked for the first time.

“Did I hallucinate the last half an hour?” Wymack asked and Abby looked at him like she wanted to ask the same thing.

“Did they know each other?” Abby asked back, clearly hoping Wymack had some kind of explanation, but he was as confused as her.

Their eyes spoke without words and when they turned around, there were no more Foxes shuffling around. However, as soon as they walked closer to the team's lounge, once again, they could hear the voices of the over-excited Foxes, discussing the recent happenings.

“What the fuck did we just saw?” Nicky still had his hands in front of his mouth, so the words were a bit muffled.

“Did they know each other?” Matt asked, clearly on Abby’s same wave of thinking.

“Neil didn’t say anything about that…” Nicky replied.

“He asked about Andrew when we met in Millport…” Kevin gave his input and Wymack nodded, remembering that he thought it strange at the time.

“But how? Was Neil in the system too?” Dan asked and this time she looked at Wymack.

“There was nothing about it in his file. But his parents might have decided not to disclose that info to the school…”

“Am I the only one confused about the language they spoke?” Nicky asked.

“What was it anyway?” Aaron asked and everyone turned around to look at him and Nicky.

“You didn’t know Andrew could speak Russian?” Renee asked and they shook their heads.

“Wait! You did?” Dan turned to look at Renee and she shrugged her shoulders softly.

“We talked about it sometimes, but Andrew refused to teach me…”

“But Neil spoke it too… And he knew that Andrew could speak it, so they learned together… Maybe they went to school together while Andrew was in the system…” Matt suggested and everyone nodded.

“Nevertheless… Was I the only noticing what the monster said when he saw Neil?” Allison asked and everyone looked at her, confused. Maybe because she was next to Neil and felt the way he reacted when Andrew’s voice announced his presence, she took notice with a bit more attention than the rest of them. “He said his last month just became useless…”

Seth looked at her with calculating eyes.

“Was he looking for Josten, then? Why? And more important! Was I the only one noticing that that fucking psycho actually hugged someone else?” he asked and Allison shook her head in confusion.

“Are you sure he never mentioned Neil?” Dan asked Nicky and Aaron.

“Why are you looking at us?” Aaron replied and Dan’s eyebrows rose.

“Because you are his brother and Nicky is his cousin…” Dan said, like it was obvious.

“Yeah, because with Andrew that counts a lot… It would be easier to ask Kevin, they spend so much time together…” Nicky rolled his eyes at Dan’s naivety.

And so, Dan looked at Kevin that still had a slightly lost look on his expression.

“I had never seen Andrew act like that around anyone…” Kevin replied as a confirmation that no, he had no fucking idea what was going on either.

“Are they fuck buddies or something?” Allison suddenly asked and an uncomfortable silence fell over them. “Seriously? Was I the only one thinking that?” and she turned to Nicky that was staring at her with a shocked expression.

“Andrew isn’t gay… _I think_ …” Nicky said slowly.

“Shouldn’t you have a gaydar or something like that?” Allison asked and Nicky glared at her.

“Oh yes, it beeps and sends rainbow glitter in close proximity to non-straight people…” Nicky replied sarcastically.

“Renee?” Dan finally asked and everyone turned to look at her.

“I don’t know…” Renee answered, and she said a little mental prayer for lying to her friends, but Andrew’s trust was more important right now and she wouldn’t break it for the world.

Wymack sighed deeply, looking around the team. He felt like he was already losing the reins and barely a few hours had passed.

“Look, let’s not act like gossipy old ladies! There’s nothing we can do now, besides waiting for them to come back…” Wymack rubbed his eyes, like he was ready to say goodbye to the day and ready to ignore the possible or non-possible relationship between two of his players.

“If Neil comes back at all…” Nicky said and everyone looked at him.

“That’s not a nice thing to say, Nicky…” Renee was the only one to speak but it was instantaneous. Nicky apologized immediately and looked down at the ground, feeling her disappointed eyes on him.

“At least it explains the weird hobby…” Aaron suddenly said and Nicky looked at him.

“The origami…” Kevin explained and Nicky nodded.

“Another thing they learned together… Seriously, were they paired in Crafts and Languages?” Nicky replied and softly kicked the couch. “I hate not knowing what the hell is going on…”

“They will be fine.” Renee said, putting a hand over Nicky’s shoulder and squeezing lightly. He smiled at her in appreciation.

“Well, I think it’s better we follow Coach’s advice…” Dan said, looking around. When no one contradicted her, she took Matt’s hand and they sat in their couch.

“Look, those are the papers you have to sign, do not forget them tomorrow or you won’t enter my court! And just figure out the order for you physicals, Abby is waiting and I want that out of the way…”

“What about Andrew and Neil?” Dan asked.

“Neil already did his and I will talk with Andrew tomorrow or…” Abby didn’t finish her sentence, unsure of when he was really coming back.

“This is a fucking mess!” Kevin groaned and Wymack looked at him, knowing that the next news he was going to give would not go easily.

“One more thing…” Wymack said. “There has been some changes in our district…”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Neil was stretching in his seat, while Andrew’s finger moved over the radio in search of something bearable.

“So, do you think they are already ordering my coffin?” Neil asked and Andrew ignored him for the station of old rock songs he just found. “Probably not, you wouldn’t leave a body to be found…”

Andrew rolled his eyes and drove.

“Where are we going?” Neil asked, seeing the houses disappear behind them when they reached the highway.

“Shouldn’t you have asked that before entering a stranger’s car?” Andrew replied and Neil scoffed at him.

Crossing his arms, Neil turned to face Andrew. “You are not a stranger, Andrew, no matter how many years passed.” Neil hoped it was the truth and not only wishful thinking.

“Fucking idealist…” Andrew replied.

“But you like it about me…” Neil said, his heart unsure of how that remark was going to be accepted.

“95%, fucking idiot!” Andrew rolled his eyes and rhythmically moved his fingers against the wheel. He kept his eyes on the road, not even once looking at Neil. 

Neil didn’t know if Andrew was being assaulted by the same memories as him, but he hoped so. It made his non-looking mantra bearable. 

 

* * *

 

 

_“Why are you reading that shit?” Andrew asked, peaking over Joseph’s shoulder and finding a pamphlet about a social community center that was offering Exy classes to kids in need._

_“This lady offered me this outside the seven-eleven… She looked nice and was asking for volunteers to help kids in the center…” Joseph looked at Andrew with a small smile. “Wouldn’t it be nice to help someone else for a change?”_

_Andrew sighed._

_“You are helping someone else right now…” Andrew replied, cleaning the gun Mary had given him just a few weeks ago._

_Joseph looked at him, confused. Andrew stopped messing with the gun and put it on the table to finish later. He moved closer to Joseph and sat beside him on the couch. Softly, like he was barely touching him, Andrew let his shoulder pressure against Joseph’s._

_“You are helping me, dumbass!” Andrew finally said, when Joseph’s eyes didn’t lose the confusion in them._

_And then, the most amazing thing happened and Andrew wondered if he was going blind. Joseph smiled so open and carefree that Andrew didn’t know what to do with it, besides punching the smile out of his face. But he didn’t do it, choosing instead to listen to Joseph’s ideas of what they could do if they volunteered at the center._

_When they heard a key moving inside the door lock, Andrew jumped from the couch and Joseph quickly hid away the pamphlet, replacing it for a book in Russian, while Andrew practiced pulling the gun out of his jeans._

_When the woman entered the room, she wouldn’t be able to guess that merely one minute ago, the two boys were pressed against each other, one talking excitedly and the other hearing with appreciation to someone that, no matter what, had more hope in the future than he could ever imagine._

* * *

 

 

“We could do it now…” Neil suggested and Andrew finally looked at him.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Andrew asked and Neil's eyes lost part of their shine. Andrew sighed and rubbed his eyes with one of his hands. “I’m not someone that should volunteer to help other people…” Andrew said. So, he did remember. Well, Neil knew about Andrew's eidetic memory, so it wouldn't come as a surprise, but still, it made his chest warm in appreciation, until his brain realized what Andrew just said, and Neil frowned at him.

“Andrew, that’s not true! There’s nothing wrong with you! You could help a lot of people that are going through a rough time!” Neil replied, his voice rising in anger when he saw Andrew’s lack of attention.

“Yes, because everyone wants to hear that I cut myself while I was repeatedly raped, because I wanted to keep my warm bed and three times a day meals… Great objectives for life!” Andrew’s voice was cruel and if Neil didn’t know better he would have recoiled. But he knew that that was Andrew’s objective and Neil made himself look directly at Andrew.

“I thought you didn’t believe in regret…”

“And I don’t!”

“Then don’t talk like you do. You did what you had to do at the moment to survive! Just like my mom and I did! Do you think I like remembering all the blood? I don’t! But I don’t regret it! Not when it saved your life! Not when it helped me getting here, in this car, with you! Yes, I wish I was the one to kill Drake, I wish my mom gave me that choice because I would gladly put a bullet in his brain!” Neil’s cheeks were red and his breathing deeply.

“I wouldn’t want you to…” Andrew said softly and Neil wondered if he said it unintentionally out loud… but it was Andrew and Andrew never said anything he didn’t want to…

“I know…” Neil whispered and he looked down at Andrew’s hand over the shift. “Yes or no?” he asked and Andrew looked at him. “Your hand…”

Andrew looked at his own hand and then at Neil’s.

“Yes, rabbit…” he said and slowly, so slowly, Neil let his hand move towards Andrew’s. “Today would be better…” Andrew scoffed and Neil chuckled nervously. It was stupid, he knew, he had touched much more than Andrew’s hand, but still, after all these years he found himself stupidly nervous at such a gesture. He didn’t want to hurt Andrew, didn’t want him to repel him or to stand it only for Neil’s sake.

Tired of Neil’s slow movements, Andrew moved his hand, turned it with his palm up and opened his fingers. Neil finally let his skin touch Andrew’s, beside those fleeting touches while he was calming him down in the parking lot, and Neil sighed. It was like all his nerve endings were being aligned again, tingling with electricity and something more.

“I missed you…” Neil confessed, looking through the window, too embarrassed at his own labored breath. He could see trees and barely anything else, they had left the highway some minutes ago and were now driving through a deserted dirt road.

Andrew squeezed Neil’s hand as an answer, but it was enough for him to open up in another of his Andrew’s smiles. Not that Andrew had named the smiles that Neil, and before, Joseph, had shown only him. Obviously not, because it would be too ridiculous.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil and Andrew talk, in a river bed, surrounded by mud. Romantic, right?

“So, you are really thinking of killing me and hiding my body…” Neil said, when Andrew stopped the car in the middle of nowhere.

The only things he could see were trees and rocks. The forest was so dense, Neil wasn’t even sure about the highway’s direction or PSU’s.

“I kept saying that, you were the one that didn’t believe me…” Andrew replied, opening the glove compartment and grabbing a pack of cigarettes. Through the confusion in it, Neil saw some familiar objects and smiled.

“I finally learned how to make a dragon!” he said excitedly and Andrew looked at him with boredom in his expression. “Yours need a better finishing touches…” Neil continued, ignoring Andrew’s look, and grabbed one of the origamis. “… but the cat ones are really good…” he was observing the folded paper with attentive eyes.

Andrew shook his head, opened the car’s door and left Neil behind.

“Hey!” Neil said, following his movements. As soon as he stepped out of the car, a new sound emerged from the cacophony of birds and forest animals. “Is that a river? Good thinking, it will make finding my body harder…”

Andrew ignored him, not even worried about rising the percentage at Neil’s stupidity, and walked into the woods, following the sound of the river. Neil quickly followed him, mindful of the roots, ready to trick him into having a meeting with the ground. When he finally saw Andrew stop, they were beside the river, watching its roaring course through the dirt and trees.

Andrew sat on the river bed, ignoring the mud, or pretending to. Neil, never hindered by some dirt, followed suit and felt the squishy substance of water and earth, under his legs and ass.

“Talk!” Andrew said and Neil looked at him, waiting for a clarification. “What happened after I left to go shopping with your mother?” Andrew answered, without looking at Neil. He pulled the pack of cigarettes from his jeans pocket and took one out. When he saw Neil’s hand extending in front of his face, he paused.  “What?” Neil pointed at the cigarette and Andrew’s eyebrows rose. “Well, that’s a surprise, there’s something new about this Neil Josten…” but nonetheless he took another cigarette, lightened the two of them and extended one to Neil that, instead of putting it in his mouth, inspired the smoke with some kind of obsessive look in his eyes. Andrew observed him with imperturbability and waited for Neil to take a drag and put the cigarette close to his nose once again, before he nudged his foot.

Neil took a deep breath and looked at Andrew. He observed his hazel eyes for long minutes until he finally opened his mouth and started talking. He told him how his mother changed their next safe house to one he had no idea about, how in a few days he had new ID’s and was being matriculated at school, how his mother made sure to never bring up Andrew again, no matter how many times he tried to convince her that they should look for him (at that point, Neil chose not to disclose the beatings he received when his mother found him searching for Andrew anyway. Something told him Andrew was not deceived…). He went through his identities and the places they lived, until he reached Seattle.

“He caught us there…” Neil said, softly. There was no need for him to explain what he meant by that, Andrew could see it in the way Neil closed his hands, until his knuckles were white, and closed his eyes with desperation. He took a deep breath. “She kept running, but I should have known… I should have known something was wrong… But I didn’t and she…” Neil sighed and for the first time Andrew spoke after Neil started.

“It was not your fault. She did what she had to do to save you. Then, the only thing you could have done was keep walking… That means you spent the last year alone in Millport?” Andrew steered the conversation away from dangerous thoughts.

“Yes, I camped in an abandoned place. Thankfully Coach Hernandez never told anyone about me sleeping in the lockers… and thank god for school showers…” Neil tried to joke, but Andrew’s serious expression told him he was not successful.

“Stupid rabbit… Now tell me why you didn’t come to find me!” Andrew’s voice rose before he controlled himself. He rubbed his thighs, took another cigarette and waited for Neil to explain.

“I only knew you were in Palmetto after Kevin joined, I had no reason to follow college Exy, I didn’t think you would go for it or I would have searched it… But then Kevin left the Ravens and turned at Palmetto and it was big news and people were talking about you and it was like my wildest dreams, you were playing and you were okay! I wanted to call you or just hop into a plane and go find you, but… Kevin was here and he knew me, or at least, I thought he would recognize me, as soon as he saw me, and I knew if he recognized me and found out that we knew each other, from before, it would put you in danger! I couldn’t expect you to put yourself at risk for me again! I wanted to protect you! I needed to!” Neil tried to explain his reasons and his feelings, the way keeping his distance hurt him more than he thought possible, but imagining Andrew injured or worse, by being linked to him, would kill Neil.

"Do not make the mistake of thinking I need your protection." Andrew said, quietly, the cherry of his cigarette fading into nothing.

The sun was setting down, painting the sky with red and oranges, even if the only snippet of sky they could see was directly above the river, while being surrounded by trees on all sides. Neil sighed and let himself fall back into the muddy earth.

“You are going to look disgusting…” Andrew commented and Neil shrugged. Andrew’s words were still heavy in his chest.

“Did you kill Aaron’s mother?” Neil suddenly asked and Andrew rose his eyebrows at the sudden change in conversation.

“It was a car accident… You read about it, didn’t you?” Andrew asked, imagining that Neil’s nosy nature made him search Andrew’s life away from him.

“You did it for Aaron, right? And you are keeping Kevin safe too… And you had to take those drugs because you defended Nicky… Let’s not even talk about what you did for me… For my part, you are great at defending other people, but you do a shit job at taking care of yourself…” Neil crossed one leg over the other, one of his ankles resting on the opposite knee, feeling the water splatters wet his shoes and part of his legs.

“Did you develop a hearing problem while we were apart? Because I correctly remember you giving me your back when you were fourteen…” Andrew replied, his head hovering above Neil’s. If it was anyone else, neither of them would let someone that close, but they were not anyone else, they were Neil and Andrew and that was enough. “The next time someone comes for you, stand down and let me deal with it. It’s my job to protect you, not the other way around!”

“If it means losing you again, then no…” Neil smirked at Andrew’s bad-tempered expression. He wondered how quickly Andrew would kill him, if Neil called him grumpy…

“For a long time I wondered if you were a side effect of the drugs, something my mind came up with, to justify why I was in debt to the universe…” Andrew ended up saying. 

“I’m not a hallucination…” Neil replied, getting a bit angry at Andrew’s self-depreciation.

“You are a pipe dream…” Andrew said, disappearing from Neil’s view. Neil didn’t move his face to follow Andrew, but he felt the man fall to the muddy place beside him and smiled softly.

“You are going to look disgusting…” Neil commented simply and Andrew scoffed. “I’m not a pipe dream… I’m real and I’m here… if you still want me…” Neil wondered if the last words were too much too soon and waited with bated breath for Andrew’s answer.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew finally gives Neil his answer... and something more...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING people: Smut ahead! It's in the same wave of the books, so it's not explicit, but there are mentions of it, so, yeah, I thought you should be warned about it!

“I hate you…” Andrew replied and Neil finally looked at him. Andrew’s eyes were observing him, trying to reconcile the boy he met with the man now asking Andrew to be with him. _They had the same eyes, the same stupidly hopeful expression every time they looked at Andrew, the same respect for every boundary that Andrew created, but still helping him create new limits… And here was the man, not the boy, ready, anxious, eyes blue as the pale winter sky, his cheeks a rosy tone that made Andrew’s mind float away…_

“It’s been a long time since you said that to me… Somehow I still don’t believe you…” Neil said, with a cheeky smile on his face and Andrew scoffed. _Oh, yes, and the same sassy nature…_

 Neil saw the moment Andrew made the choice. His eyes shone dangerously, like they used to, every time they sneaked into the roof of the house they were hiding on (always when his mother was away).

Neil hadn’t kissed anyone since Andrew. He didn’t want to, he didn’t feel the need to and truth be told, imagining someone else touching his lips made him shiver in a bad way.

 

* * *

 

 

_“Andrew, are you okay?” Joseph asked, noticing the way Andrew was protecting his arm when he came back from the shop. The bags he expected to see were absent and a shadow was forming around Andrew’s eye. “Were you assaulted?!” Joseph’s voice rose in worry and Andrew shook his head._

_“They tried to, but I was faster and stronger…” Andrew said, sitting on the ratty couch and letting his arm rest on his lap._

_Joseph approached slowly, like someone circling around a wild animal. Andrew was dangerous, Joseph knew it, and wounded he had no idea how the blonde would react._

_“Can I see it?” Joseph asked and Andrew grimaced._

_He looked at Joseph for hours, it seemed, but according to the wall clock only ten minutes passed. Andrew was weighting the pros and cons of showing someone a fragility he always kept hidden away, but still, it was Joseph and Joseph was the most important person in his life. He trusted Joseph, but still…_

_Finally, Andrew took a deep breath and beckoned him with the movement of his fingers._

_Joseph walked slowly towards Andrew, letting him change his mind if he wanted to. However, when he sat beside Andrew on the couch, Andrew let his feet touch Joseph's socked ones._

_“Can I touch your shoulder?” Joseph asked and Andrew tried to move it. When the pain flared from the shoulder to his fingernails he swore under his breath._

_“Yes, above the shirt.” Andrew answered, turning, so Joseph could have an easier access._

_Joseph could have stood behind him, making the process easier, but he knew how Andrew felt about someone standing behind him, so close. The conversation they had about Drake was still sour on Joseph’s mouth, one of their games of truth for truth… Sometimes he wanted to forget the blasé tone with which Andrew talked about it, sometimes he hated it, sometimes he feared the abuse would keep Andrew from actively pursuing some kind of happiness and future._

_While Joseph touched Andrew’s shoulder, he felt him tremble under his ministrations. From pain or from triggered memories, he had no idea._

_“Still yes?” Joseph asked and Andrew nodded. “Well, I have good news and bad news…”_

_“I hate that sentence, the good news are just a way for making the other ones bearable…”_

_“Well, you will have to bear, because it’s not broken, but is dislocated and I will have to put it back… And it will hurt like hell…” Joseph said, feeling the bone under the shirt and the wrong place where it was standing. Joseph felt around the humerus head and pressed it, making Andrew wince. “I will do it when you are ready…”_

_“Just do it, fuck!” Andrew snarled and Joseph took a deep breath and moved his hands._

_Andrew swore profusely under his breath and closed his eyes to evade the dizziness surrounding his head. When he opened his eyes again, he found Joseph’s hopeful eyes and Andrew took a deep breath and moved his arm around._

_“If runaway boy doesn’t cut, you can always be a doctor…” Andrew commented and Joseph opened his mouth in a smile._

_Andrew blinked and moved his head, approaching the other teen's. Joseph followed his movement and licked his lip. Andrew groaned at the movement and Joseph shivered at the sound._

_“Yes or no?” Andrew whispered and Joseph felt his hot breath on his lips._

_“Yes…” Joseph whispered back._

_Andrew closed the distance, grabbed his neck with his good arm, and kissed him._

_God, did he kiss him…_

_Joseph had been kissed only once, but it felt nothing like this. Andrew’s lips were rough and soft at the same time. It was like everything started and ended with both of them, in that point of contact. Joseph’s face tingled and numbed and then suddenly turned hot. It was like every nerve ending was waking up at the same time and Joseph felt a shiver run down his body, being copied by Andrew’s body. Andrew grabbed his hair, angling his face and deepening the kiss. Joseph wanted to stay like that forever, feeling Andrew’s hands and lips touching his body. When Andrew kissed his jaw and retreated, Joseph tried to follow him, follow the path of his lips, but Andrew stopped him._

_“We can’t do more than this…” Andrew said, and Joseph understood. It was not like he wanted more now. Andrew’s lips were enough to completely and irrevocably turn him off of anyone else’s touch. Maybe later, they could learn together how to build new limits, but for now it was enough._

 

* * *

 

 

Neil felt Andrew’s body move towards his, his lips getting closer and eyes darkening with lust. Neil thought he probably mirrored Andrew’s expression and licking his lips, saw the way he swallowed.

Andrew’s lips were moving, but Neil could barely hear his words with the rush of blood running through his ears.

“Yes or no?” Andrew repeated, noticing Neil’s dazed expression.

“Yes! Yes, Andrew!” Neil replied, barely controlling his breathing.

Andrew hovered over Neil, letting his body fall softly towards his and rub just a tiny bit, making Neil groan and Andrew smirk.

“Asshole!” Neil accused with no fire. If he wanted to say anything else it was forgotten when Andrew finally kissed him.

It was nothing like he remembered and exactly like he remembered. The heat where their bodies touched, the storm brewing in his mind, Andrew’s hands on his hair, his own hands on the earth, drawing lines where he squeezed, it was everything and nothing and all in between. Neil had no idea how long they kissed, it could have been years for all he cared, they could already be grey haired and wrinkled and Neil wouldn’t trade anything for the sensation of Andrew’s body against his, of his lips kissing his, following his jaw, kissing his neck. Neil copied part of his movements, muscle memory working when his mind was so nebulous. He knew Andrew’s sensitive places and following his jaw, nibbled on his neck and kissed it to lessen the possible sting.

Neil felt Andrew’s phone vibrate against his legs and jolted, startled. Andrew took it and send it flying somewhere close, ignoring the way it could probably break against a rock. Neil felt Andrew’s hands move around his chest, over his shirt, and Andrew stopped kissing him to look into his eyes.

“There are a bit more than when you saw them the last time…” Neil said at Andrew’s questioning expression.

“Is that a no?” Andrew asked, taking his hand away and moving to give Neil more space.

“It’s a yes… with a warning for you not to be too worried about them… The deal we made was in standby during these years… Let’s press play again?” Neil asked and Andrew’s eyes darkened, not with lust, but with danger to all the people that hurt Neil, in the past.

Andrew stood in that same position for a long time. Neil was feeling one of his legs cramping, but kept his frozen posture until Andrew decided. And he finally did…

“Let’s go to the car…” Andrew’s chest was moving quickly, up and down, and Neil felt his jeans tighten at the expression on his face. Somehow Andrew found his phone in the middle of the grass and turned it off.

When they reached the car, Neil grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head. Andrew followed the movement with his eyes, not indicating any change in his demeanor, but Neil could see the way his own jeans were tenting and the way his hands reflexively closed and opened.

“Can I touch them?” Andrew asked and Neil realized he was talking about his scars. Nodding softly, Neil saw Andrew’s hand hover.

He slowly touched one by one, starting with the ones he already knew and finishing with the newer ones. Softly, his lips followed his fingers and Neil felt himself being guided to the backseat of the car, while Andrew’s lips never left his skin.

It was starting to become too much and then Andrew’s hand moved towards his jeans and he stopped kissing his skin.

“Yes, Andrew…” Neil said, before he asked him anything and he felt Andrew’s hot breath on his chest.

Andrew grabbed his jeans.

“I don’t want mud in my car…” was his only answer and Neil felt his anticipation rise, while he pulled the jeans and his underwear down.

Neil could only groan and repeat Andrew’s name as a mantra, while his hands and lips took him apart over and over. When they were together, four years ago, Andrew never let things go that far, maybe he didn’t feel the other boy was ready or maybe he didn’t know how he would feel being with someone he actually cared about. Somehow, Neil thanked him for waiting, four years ago he wouldn’t be able to enjoy himself like this, always ruled by the fear of being caught by his mother.

When Neil felt himself go over the edge, he also felt Andrew’s fingers let him go and his breathing quickening next to his neck. Neil knew what he was doing after some confusion and it more than anything spurred him into kissing Andrew again, sucking his neck and feeling his tremble over him.

“Fucking rabbit!” he heard Andrew cuss and then stagger over him.

“Thankfully, your car’s seat is not too small…” Neil commented, in a breathy voice, and Andrew rolled his eyes at him.

“If I fall, I will bring you with me…”  Andrew replied.

“I would cushion you, don’t worry…” Neil replied, while Andrew moved away. Neil could see Andrew’s dirty jeans and the way he looked around the car. When he found a tissue box, he handed some to Neil, while he went to the trunk of the car. Wearing new jeans and a new shirt, discarding the muddy ones, Andrew helped Neil hop into some of his own pants, a bit shorter on the legs, after cleaning where Neil couldn’t see. Andrew threw one of his tank tops that he used to sleep in at Neil and ignored the way it showed his healthy form. As soon as they cleaned the mud from Neil’s clothes and let them dry inside the warm car, they would be presentable enough for their return, whenever it would be. And Andrew would stop thinking about Neil in his clothes.

Andrew moved away towards the river, and Neil followed him, trying to erase the dark spots from his clothes (luckily they were an ugly brown color anyway, so the mud he couldn’t clean wouldn’t be too obvious).

“Here…” Andrew called, and Neil moved towards him, leaving his clothes in a dry spot of grass. “Your hair is disgusting… Lean down your head…” Andrew touched Neil’s neck and moved his head towards the water.

Neil jumped when he felt the cold water touch his head and neck and Andrew’s fingers roam over his hair.

“You are like a child, getting mud all over your hair…”

Neil was ready to accuse Andrew of the same, but he recalled walking behind him and observing his blond hair: it was spotless…  Apparently, he was not fool enough to let his head fall into the muddy riverbed. But then, if it meant having Andrew’s fingers on his hair, he would do it again and again…

“There…” when Andrew’s fingers moved away, Neil followed them, unconsciously. And only when he heard the splatter of water next to him, did he realize that Andrew was cleaning his face.  

Neil closed the distance, slowly, letting Andrew adjust to him, _letting Neil enter his space_. Neil watched Andrew close his eyes, a calm expression on his face, calmer than Neil remembered ever seeing him, and when some drops of water ran down Andrew’s neck, Neil chased them with his lips and Andrew shivered under his mouth.

“Junkie…” Andrew replied and Neil smirked.

“At least I’m addicted to something healthy…” Neil said back and Andrew’s eyes darkened.

“Are you sure about that?” Andrew’s voice was low and Neil felt the old fear rise in his chest. That maybe he was not enough for Andrew to fight for something in his life, that maybe this was just physical… But he refused to believe that, not when Andrew told him about his life, four years ago, not when he made sure to guide Neil back to the present after his panic attack, not when he could see something akin to worry right now, in his eyes.

“I’m sure about that.” Neil stated, certainty dripping from every word and Andrew sighed softly.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil doesn't know what a Weasley is...

Thunder suddenly roared over Neil and Andrew’s heads and the younger man felt heavy raindrops falling over his head and shoulders. Andrew quickly entered the back seat of the car again and Neil followed him just in time. A summer downpour started falling, making it impossible for anyone to see into the vehicle. Not that they worried about it when they were busy with each other. Neil wondered if Andrew chose this spot so they wouldn’t be hindered by nosy people.

Neil stretched on the seat, and looked at Andrew. From somewhere he had pulled a package of fries and was noisily munching on them. Neil’s hand hovered over the bag until Andrew gave him space to steal some of them. Truth be told he was famishing and the salty taste only made him more aware of it.

Andrew smirked at him and roaming around a bag in the front seat pulled up a big water bottle, three packs of Oreos and one beer.

Around them, the water kept falling, a summer storm finally released into the world. When the sounds of chewing and drinking disappeared, Neil looked at Andrew.

“So, you developed the hobby of disappearing from time to time?” Neil asked and Andrew smashed the beer can between his fingers. The question was made in a light tone, however, Neil felt the weight of it, especially when his mind could recall perfectly the words Andrew said as soon as he saw him.

“If you know, why are you asking?” Andrew replied, ignoring Neil’s amused expression. “By the way, can’t you take that shit out?”

Neil looked down at his clothes.

“Do you want me to strip for you?” Neil asked, confused _. If Andrew wanted to see him naked then why did he make him dress again? And in his clothes anyway?_

Andrew almost face-palmed himself.

“Mind out of the gutter, rabbit! I’m talking about your contacts…” Neil chuckled under his breath until Andrew shut him up with a kiss. When they moved away, Neil used the rear-view mirror to guide him and popped the contacts out.

Andrew’s reaction was enough for it to be worth it. Seeing his father’s reflection every time he looked into a mirror was bad enough, seeing his cold blue eyes, always made him shiver. But to Andrew, those eyes were things to be seen, to be observed and it made Neil more self-assured, especially when Andrew's eyes darkened with barely suppressed lust.

“I like the honest part of you.” Andrew said, his fingers touching the skin around Neil’s eyes. And then he grabbed his hair. “Now, your original color I haven’t seen before… Auburn, right?” Andrew tugged a few curls of hair and Neil had to stop himself from moaning. Andrew’s hands on his hair always had a weirdly powerful effect over him.

“And you won’t see it… probably ever…” Neil replied.

“Too conspicuous… Blue eyes, red hair, a bit of freckles… You could be a Weasley…” Andrew whispered, his lips moving around Neil’s cheeks and going into his neck and shoulder.

“What’s a Weasley?” Neil asked and Andrew rolled his eyes.

“Do not say that in front of any of the others…” Andrew advised, his tongue dancing over Neil’s collarbone.

“Are you… trying… to distract me?” Neil tried to keep a level voice, but it was impossible.

Andrew’s only reply was keeping up his pace and Neil moaned again.

“Andrew…” Neil called and Andrew sighed and moved away.

“Fucking nosy…” Andrew whispered and stretched on the back seat. He put his legs over Neil’s lap and made himself comfortable against the back door, while Neil let his head fall against the opposite window. Lightning illuminated their faces from time to time and the silence that fell over the car was not one of tension, but of calm before bedtime.

“You remember what I told you four years ago, right?” Andrew asked and Neil nodded, happy that Andrew was once confiding in him. It felt empowering that someone like Andrew Minyard trusted a liar like Neil Josten.

And Andrew started talking about his life after leaving Joseph. Curiously, he jumped over the part when he was caught by the police after splitting from Mary, but Neil decided to question him later about it. They had all night for that… Neil smiled softly at the thought.

When Andrew explained to him how he planned for Aaron’s mother’s accident and how they ended up fighting because of it, Neil felt the old anger against the other twin rise in him. The same one that he felt at the airport, the same one that didn’t feel like rage at all… and that’s when Neil realized it was not anger or rage, it was jealousy, because Andrew sacrificed himself for Aaron, killed someone for him, protected him through the years and Aaron still didn’t act as Neil thought Andrew deserved. Maybe he was biased, who knows? But Neil vowed to himself to get to the bottom of the twins’ issues and resolve them for Andrew’s sake.

Andrew was still talking about the mess around Tilda’s funeral, when suddenly Nicky stepped up and became their guardian and Neil couldn’t stop the fond smile that appeared in his face.

“He was really worried while you were away…” Neil commented and Andrew scoffed.

“Nicky is too emotional for his own good and lacks a very big brain-to-mouth filter…” Andrew replied.

“But he was there…” Neil said and Andrew didn’t answer him. Yeah, Andrew knew his cousin was there… he was just a bit late to erase his natural instinct to distrust people, especially after his own father made such a small business of the so called “misunderstanding”.

“Did you… see Cass again?” Neil asked and Andrew’s eyes darkened.

“No. I bet she was too busy mourning her son.” Andrew replied.

“Do you regret mom asking someone to end him?” Neil asked and Andrew shrugged. Andrew didn’t shrug like other people, it was full of complex messages and codes and not only _I don’t know_ or _I’m not sure_. Neil wondered if it meant that he was content that Drake was dead, but somehow the image of Cass Spear suffering after the brutal assassination of her son during a robbery (a robbery with a high level of violence and pain... No one could say Mary Wesninski didn't know who to call) was too much for him to feel completely in peace with the info.

“I don’t feel regret, you should know that…” Andrew said and Neil sighed. Maybe it was not a good idea to bring up Cass, he knew how much it hurt Andrew to remember the mother and the home he once thought he could have.

For a few minutes they were both silent, but the previously answered question weighted heavily on Neil’s mind.

“Andrew? Can I ask something?” Neil asked and Andrew looked at him.

“At least the questioning part of you didn’t change…” Andrew answered and Neil knew it was a yes. If Andrew didn’t want to answer he would say so immediately.

“Coach and Nicky and even Kevin told me you used to disappear from time to time… And when you saw me you said the last month just became useless… Andrew, were you looking for me?” Neil asked, almost certain of the answer, but still afraid that he was making a big mistake bringing that up… oh well, Neil Josten could be reckless a lot of the time, anyway…

Andrew ignored him, so he could make himself more comfortable in the back seat. His legs were over Neil’s lap and his head was resting on a jacket over the seat itself. He was silent for so long, Neil thought he wouldn’t get an answer.

“I keep my promises, always.” Andrew finally said and Neil felt a pang of pain in his chest.

“Were you looking for me just to keep a promise?” Neil hoped the pain he felt didn’t show in his voice. Maybe everything they did until now was Andrew’s way of making him feel good, protected, and nothing else… It hurt more than Neil thought it would and he wondered if maybe he should tell Andrew that he had been way deeper into his feelings for him, for years now. It would only be fair, Neil wouldn’t create stupid illusions and Andrew wouldn’t be expected to answer them without knowing anything.

Andrew closed his eyes.

“Do you know why I hate rabbits? They look like they could jump away in an instant to never be seen again, to maybe be hurt or killed by a fucking car…” Andrew replied and Neil sighed.

“Oh, I get it…” Neil said softly and Andrew opened his eyes and sit up in a sinuous motion.

“No, you don’t.” Andrew said and in his eyes Neil saw something he had never seen before. _Was it… fear?_

Andrew’s hand grabbed Neil’s jaw forcefully.

“Do you know how I felt when I was finally able of going back and found only the origami? How I felt when you were not in the next safe house? How, when I talked with your mother’s contacts, they didn’t know anything? How they thought both of you were dead? Do not say you get it, Neil Josten!” Andrew released him and Neil could still feel the warm of Andrew’s fingers in his jaw.

Andrew was breathing raggedly, like he had just run a marathon, and his eyes were shining in a dangerous light.

“I’m…” Neil started, but Andrew put his other hand over his mouth to keep him quiet.

“I don’t do stuff for people just for them to feel good! I’m not a fucking blow doll, do you get it? So, don’t think you are a charity project and I’m a fucking volunteer! I had forgotten how a fucking idiot you could be!” Andrew scoffed and moved away from Neil.

Neil didn’t know if he should be offended or elated…

“Can I ask something else?” Neil asked, in an edgy voice, and Andrew sighed.

“Go ahead, it’s not like I want to sleep or anything…” Andrew grumbled and Neil sighed. His next question didn’t come right away and Andrew looked at him with interested eyes. It must be bad if Neil was worked out like that.

“Did my mom leave you behind on purpose?” Neil asked abruptly and Andrew saw the way his shoulders tensed, waiting for his next words.

Andrew contemplated what to say. On one side, telling the truth wouldn’t do any good, too many years had passed, Mary was dead, he was together with Neil again… on the other side, he never lied to Joseph and he didn’t want to start it with Neil, not when they were just beginning to rebuilt their relationship, not when Neil trusted him to always tell him the truth.

“She did.” Andrew answered simply and Neil sighed. He probably spent the last years with that doubt weighting down on his shoulders and having it finally confirmed didn’t hurt as much as he thought.

“Thank you for telling me the truth.” Neil replied and Andrew squeezed his hip.

Neil didn’t ask how she did and Andrew didn’t disclose that information. It would do Neil no good to know how his mother called for a policeman, telling him a boy with Andrew’s description was attacked by some tugs. Not after she was the one to knock him out, not when the policeman called an ambulance to take him to the hospital… Not after he told him what a nice lady did for him. And what a pity it was that she disappeared right after warning him of what happened… And did he have info? He was currently in the hospital… Aren’t you too young? Did you ran away from home? And all the stupid questions that kept echoing inside Andrew’s head and that took him, irrevocably into Tilda’s house and Aaron’s drugged eyes and bruises and… shit, he couldn’t tell Neil all that…

“So, can I sleep now?” Andrew asked and Neil smiled sadly at him.

“Go ahead. I’m tired too…” and Neil rested his head against the window.

“The car is locked, don’t worry.” Andrew said and he felt Neil sag a little more against the seat.

_Fucking rabbit…_

_"_ I wish I had found you before..." Andrew suddenly said, his eyes already closed.

"I wish you had..." Neil replied, in a sleepy voice. 

Andrew opened his eyes again, when he felt Neil's slow breathes puffing out of his chest. His unruly hair fell over his eyes and his nose wrinkled every few seconds. Making sure, once again, that all the doors were locked and that Neil wasn't cold, Andrew finally let himself fall asleep. 

The kind of sleep he had for the first time in four years. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have this head-cannon that every time Nicky sees Harry Potter and the Philosopher Stone, he yells to everyone around "No one deserves to live in a closet!!!"


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil and Andrew go back to Palmetto and Seth learns he should keep his mouth shut.

When Neil opened his eyes, at the first rays of sunshine, he found Andrew still asleep.

Under the pale light of the dawn, Neil could clearly see the shadows under the other man's eyes. He could discern the way his cheekbones looked more pronounced, almost like blades ready to cut anything that touched them. But Neil had touched them, with soft finger and desperate fingers, with teen fingers and adult fingers, with awing fingers and loving fingers... He had touched them and they didn't cut him...

"Staring..." Andrew suddenly said and Neil jumped out of his skin. His eyes were still closed and Neil wondered how his voice sounded so sure.

"How do you know?" Neil asked, trying to hide the grumpy inflection of his tone.

"I know you..." Andrew answered and Neil froze. Neil was known, someone knew him, someone took the time to learn his quirks and habits... and that someone was Andrew of all people. A sudden explosion of warmth inside his stomach almost made him gasp. 

Andrew finally opened his eyes, stretching slowly, letting his bones crack under the movements. 

Neil kept staring at him.

And then Andrew stared at him back.

A small smile started appearing in Neil's face.

"This was the best sleep I had since I remember..." Neil confessed and, for a moment, Andrew was lost about what to say. He decided for the least corny.

"Lucky you, I have a knot in my neck..." Andrew grumbled and Neil smiled mischievously. 

"Want me to take care of it?" Neil asked and Andrew looked at his hands for a few seconds. Finally turning around and taking out his shirt on the same motion, Andrew let Neil to his designs. If Andrew moaned more than once under Neil's ministrations, both decided to keep quiet about it, even if Neil kept the information safe for a later use.

 

* * *

 

 

When Andrew and Neil decided that they should go back and spare everyone from their misery, Neil couldn't stop noticing the trip back took double of the time of the one from the previous day.

When the young men finally stopped in front of Fox Tower, a light fog surrounded the building, a memory from last night’s summer storm. And when they stepped out of the elevator, they were still talking easily, Andrew telling him about the morons from last year’s team and how Seth was probably going to end up being punched by Neil before the end of the day. They had been talking the whole way back about every day things and Neil couldn't be happier about it.

Neil merely laughed at Andrew's conceptions of Seth and told him that he would try to be civilized to his new roommate. Andrew only scoffed his doubts at him, before three different doors opened almost at the same time. Probably warned by Neil’s laugh or maybe they heard their steps on the hallway… or they just spent the entire night awake, waiting for a police or a mortician to call…

If Andrew laughed, he would have done that at the shocked faces peeking at them. As it was, he merely glared with less menace than usual.

“Good morning.” Neil said, looking self-consciously at his body and hoping that what he and Andrew had been doing after Neil finished Andrew's massage, that morning, wasn’t showing in some way. He really was gifted with his mouth and not only to tell people to go die somewhere far.

“You’re alive…” Matt said, softly and, behind him, Seth had a surprised expression as well.

“You are both alive…” Nicky said and everyone sighed imperceptibly, except Renee. She was smiling peacefully at them.

“Hello, Andrew, Neil. Good morning... I have your papers, you have to sign them and give it to Coach.” Renee said, like it was an everyday occurrence. “And, Andrew, you have to talk with Abby about your physical… And Coach said to be at Gym at 8.30…” and then she disappeared into her room, while everyone else stood where they were.

Neil looked at Andrew for a millisecond, and then walked into his own dorm, ignoring the way Dan checked him in search of injuries or how Matt clapped his shoulder in solidarity.

“Where did you take him? Did you pull the same shit you did with Matt? He looked weird!” Dan said, after Neil disappeared.

“Neil is no former junkie, I didn’t have to do anything. Just making sure he didn't turn into a psycho ready to kill your team, Cap!” Andrew saluted her with two fingers against his forehead.

“How did you know each other?” Allison asked and Andrew rose an eyebrow.

“Making a new bet, Reynolds?” Andrew replied and she crossed her arms, next to Dan. “Josten and I go back a long way, now stop putting your nose into other people’s business before someone cuts it!” Andrew touched softly his armbands and Allison’s eyes glared.

“Are you threatening her, psycho? Is Josten your fuck toy then?” Seth asked, shouldering around Matt to reach Andrew. But before he could do something else, his arm was pulled behind his back in a painful manner and Seth yelped in pain.

“Don’t do anything you will regret, Seth.” Neil’s calmly chilling voice came from behind him. He was so small no one could see him behind Matt and Seth, and a second later Seth was free again and rubbing his shoulder.

“You are both psychos!” Seth said and Neil sighed.

“I just saved you from being knifed in the stomach, so please, think before you act… I might not know you yet, but I don’t want Andrew in jail, so maybe, everyone should just take a deep breath and get ready to be yelled at by Coach…” and Neil turned around towards the bedroom, like he hadn't just turned everyone's opinion of him upside down.

After Neil spoke, the team shook themselves from the apparent spell of stupidity they had been under, while Seth was being manhandled by someone that barely reached his shoulder, and started moving around, while keeping a safe distance from Andrew, especially Seth.

When Andrew entered his dorm, Nicky, Kevin and Aaron were waiting for him, like a pack of hounds.

“Did you know Neil?” Nicky was suspicious. Allison and Seth’s words were clearly making him rethink everything he knew about his cousin.

“Where did you went?” Kevin was furious.

“Is this shit going to happen again?” and Aaron was annoyed.

Their voices overlapped and instead of answering any of them, Andrew walked towards the bathroom, ready to take a bath after last night and this morning’s activities.

When Andrew came back from the bathroom, Nicky, forgetting something called self-preservation, actually asked what was on everyone’s mind.

“Are you and Neil… seeing each other?”

Andrew merely spared him a withering look and walked towards the dorm door, playing with his keys.

“What did that mean?” Nicky asked Kevin. “Is he gay? Straight? Bi? What the hell is going on?” Nicky’s voice was on the verge of hysteria.

“Don’t keep talking about that!” Kevin warned him, nodding at the way Aaron’s eyes were looking at his cousin with irritation.

When Andrew’s group finally left the dorm, they met with Allison and Seth that were furiously whispering at each other.

“Your pet just left with Matt and the girls.” Allison said and Andrew shrugged, it wasn’t like he asked anything.

But still, when Andrew entered his car he had to be a little thankful, because having Neil in the car so soon after everything, would make him a bit too unsettled. And Nicky so didn’t need an excuse to act like a fucking idiot…

Kevin sat in front and crossed his arms.

“Are you going to answer our questions? We have a deal, you know?” Kevin groaned and Andrew looked at him, annoyed at his voice nagging so soon in the morning.

“We have a deal and if I remember correctly there was no clause about me telling you my biography…” Andrew replied and turned on the car, barely letting Nicky jump into the seat and close the door before he drove away. Behind him he could hear Nicky squealing in search of the seatbelt, while Aaron grabbed the door in pursuit of safety, at his crazy driving.

When they arrived, Matt’s blue truck was already parked and empty, however, a lonely figure stood beside it, playing with his backpack and kicking some imaginary rock.

Andrew let the rest of his group walk away, before he closed the distance between him and Neil. He ignored the way Kevin kept sending them angry looks and how Nicky had to be pulled away by Aaron. Andrew stopped next to Neil and rested against the truck’s door. Taking a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, Andrew took two, lightened them and passed one to Neil.

“Did they give you a hard time?” Neil asked and Andrew shrugged.

“No more than usual… Nicky actually had more balls than the rest of them and asked if we were seeing each other…” Andrew replied and Neil looked at him, curiously. “I didn’t answer him. It’s none of his fucking business…” Neil shrugged. It was not a secret, but still, he liked to keep his private life just like that, private.

“And you will like to know Kevin actually said you were a good player…” Andrew said and saw Neil’s eyes widen in shock. “It has been that bad, hum?” and he scoffed what could pass as a chuckle.

“I think he hates me…” Neil said, taking a single drag.

“And there you were scared of him…”

“Actually, I think he would hate me either way…” Neil said, chuckling darkly. “Seeing a guy take apart another one with a cleaver and a knife is probably the worst way to make friends with someone…”

“Friendship is overrated…” Andrew commented and Neil smiled at that very Andrew-way of trying to lighten the depressive route of his mood and telling how big an idiot he was being.

“Well, we have to go or Coach will rip my contract…” Neil said and with a bold move grabbed the end of Andrew’s shirt and pulled him.

“Josten…” Andrew warned, but Neil could see in his eyes that he was actually amused by it.

“What? If I don’t make you follow me, you will loiter around here all day…” Neil’s more playful nature was rising and Andrew rolled his eyes at him.

In the end, Andrew actually followed Neil, waiting until they were in an empty corridor to pull him against a wall and command his mouth.  When they entered the locker room fifteen minutes later, Neil was still trying to make sure his pants and shirt were presentable.

Everyone in there looked at them with perceptive eyes, while Seth grumbled under his breath, probably some offending words, that he was not brave enough to say right on Andrew’s face.

When nor Andrew or Neil acted accordingly to what the others would deem couply while in close proximity in the locker room, and barely spared each other a look, some of the boys started doubting the present theory…

Besides, the new striker would have to have a death wish to actually have something with Andrew, right?


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first training of the Foxes doesn't go as everyone imagined...

As soon as Neil and Andrew entered the Gymnasium, they were immediately under the scrutiny of Coach Wymack and Abby, as well as the girls, that not being privy to the boys' locker room, still had their own theories about the two of them. Neil couldn't stop noticing Renee, in particular, that instead of having a gossipy look on her face or the calm one she showed this morning, had care and worry mixed with uncertainty. Neil wondered just how much Andrew told her about him during their sparring sessions, as Andrew called it, this morning, while they were driving back to Palmetto.

Abby quickly approached Andrew, talking with him in hushed tones, probably discussing his physical, while Neil moved away to follow his training schedule.

During the first 30 minutes of Gym time, Coach Wymack kept Neil and Andrew under close watch and, as soon as he saw Andrew left to take his physical with Abby, he approached the new striker. Neil noticed Dan stopping her lounges to observe the scene.

“Josten…” Wymack called, letting Neil finish the last series of exercises, and then sitting in a bike next to him. “Look, I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you and Andrew, but I need to make sure everything is alright. It didn’t look like you hated each other or something like that, but Andrew can be difficult and I don’t want to see you being hurt… or something else…” David was uncomfortable talking about personal matters, but seeing the way his team worried about the two and the way yesterday turned into a clusterfuck of confusion, he had to make his best and help whoever needed his help. If Neil told him not to worry and that everything was alright, fine, but if not, he would be there to help. But, somehow, through the way Josten and Minyard acted around each other, Coach could almost figure out what the short striker was going to say.

“Don’t worry, Coach. Andrew would never hurt me and I would never hurt him. We know each from a few years ago, and there’s no problem between us…” Neil said truthfully and Coach nodded. His sixth sense was right, and he would lie if he said Allison’s words from yesterday didn’t ring right in his mind. But alas, it was their personal matter and he wouldn’t mess with it.  _Above his pay-grade..._ his inner voice whispered.

“Maybe you can do what Kevin couldn’t…” Wymack said and Neil’s eyebrows rose with an unsaid question. “Make him care about Exy… Play like he is supposed to…” Neil’s expression cleared.

“I can’t make him do anything, but I can talk with him…” Neil thought it a good compromise and a thank you for what Coach did for him while Andrew was away.

 

* * *

 

 

When Neil finally entered the court with the entire team, for the first time, he understood what a mess and what a marvel those individuals were. A hell and a heaven together in a group of misfit players, fighting against each other and for each other… and then, there was Andrew, looking placidly from the goal, while the strikers shot at him, making no movement to protect the goal. Between him and a statue, there was no big difference. Only his eyes moved and it was only to make sure he wouldn't get a ball straight to his face.

Neil, sitting on the benches, waiting for his time, bit his tongue more than once, but when Andrew sat down, next to the goal, he felt his heart hammer painfully inside his chest. Andrew was not even trying and it made Neil angry, not because he already had a special feeling for the team, but because it was like Andrew was trying to self-destroy his chances and that was something Neil would never let happen. Ignoring the way Renee called him and how Dan tried to follow him, and feeling Wymack’s eyes on his back, Neil, finally had enough and walked towards the goal, actually sitting next to Andrew, on the court floor.

“Nice of you to join me, unfortunately there’s no ice cream or chocolate to pass the time… Not even a single paper for one of your pet dragons…” Andrew said, ignoring the way Matt was keeping Seth and Kevin from starting a fight in the middle of the court.

“The fuck are you doing?” Neil asked simply, in Russian, and Andrew’s eyebrows rose.

“Cut to the chase, are we? Well, I’m sitting here, watching this fucking mess develop…” Andrew answered in the same language. Neil moved to sit more comfortably on the floor and Andrew followed his movements with his eyes. “Seth is ready to kill Kevin and you, Nicky is full of fucking dramatics, Matt wants to be friends with everyone and Captain over there is ready to start ripping her hair out because her supposedly brilliant team can’t overcome their shitty pasts and criminal records…” Andrew described with a hint of coldness that made Neil’s squint at him.

“You are being mean on purpose, is that because you are no longer on the meds?” Neil asked, and saw Andrew's eyes shine at knowing something that Neil didn't.

“I never played on meds…” Andrew answered simply and Neil’s eyes widened. He looked at Wymack, that was still observing them, and then at the rest of the team and finally Andrew.

For a few seconds, Neil tried to organize his thoughts at the truth-bomb Andrew just dropped on his lap. For Andrew to be out of his meds during games, the team had to know, Wymack had to know, fuck, probably Abby knew too! And all of them said yes, or at least, didn't blew up Andrew's cover... Maybe that was why everyone was way more worried about Andrew out of the court without his meds. At least, that was what he understood from the veiled talks in Matt’s truck between him, Renee and Dan. It said more about the Foxes than all the news Neil had read through the last year... 

“They backed you up on this…” Neil said, simply, gesturing at the other team members. “They could have said something and ruin you and Coach… But they didn’t… And now you are acting like this… Andrew, can you try to care about the game? I’m not going to say please, I know you hate that word, but think about this, okay? Since Coach appeared I can’t take this image out of my head, of you playing behind me, keeping the goal protected and when I finally score, I look back and there you are, like an unmovable wall…”

Neil shut up suddenly, his cheeks blushing that his sudden confession. At least he was talking in Russian and so, no one else had an idea what the hell they were talking about. But Andrew knew, Andrew understood, Andrew listened… or at least, Neil hoped so… Because Exy had to mean something to him, if he was ready to go through withdrawal for a simple game of something he hated... Neil had read long medical articles about Andrew's drugs after he learned the truth through the media and the symptoms sounded awful on paper, imagine on real life. 

Neil rose from the floor, cleaned the dirt from his backside, making sure it was right on Andrew’s line of sight and walked away towards the bench, where Renee was smiling at him, like she knew what he just tried to do.

A few minutes later, when Neil received Wymack’s approval to join the team subbing for an increasingly furious Seth, Renee, that was supposed to enter as well, pulled Neil’s sleeve and pointed at the goal, when he looked at her.

Andrew was already on his feet, moving his heavy racquet from one hand to the other, his body language completely different from the one mere moments ago. His legs were positioned so he would move quickly in any direction, his back was tense and his arms were ready for action. Neil felt a smile take over his features and the adrenaline of the game take over his body. 

Watching that display, Wymack signaled to Renee to stand still for the time.

_That was it! Andrew was going to play!_

_And damn, did he play!_

Neil lost count of how many shots Kevin and he tried to score and how little of them actually entered touched the net. Neil wasn’t sure, but it felt like the team was energized by Andrew’s sudden change in demeanor and everyone was trying to give its best. Even after Andrew sat on the bench for Renee to train, that energy was still there. When Wymack finally called them for a stop, everyone was breathing hard, almost too tired to walk those last few steps towards the locker room.

“Damn, is this really my team? The fuck did you eat during this last month?” Wymack asked, but everyone could see how his eyes shone towards Andrew.

“Coach, you are embarrassing me… Look, I will blush!” Andrew’s mocking voice made Wymack scoff at him.

“That’s why we can’t have nice things, Minyard. Just go with your midgety ways and completely destroy my bubble!” Wymack berated and then pointed towards the door. “Now go! You all reek!”

When Neil walked by the coach, Wymack stopped him with a hand over his shoulder.

“I don’t know what you told him, but it worked, so thank you, Neil!” Wymack smiled at him and Neil was a bit lost at what to do. He still felt fearful of the big man, sometimes, but those moments were dwindling down with every day, and seeing the happy expression on his face actually made Neil smile in return.

“I only asked…” Neil replied and Wymack observed him more attentively.

“You asked..." Wymack repeated in a blase tone. He shook his head with a private, tiny smile over his lips, like he couldn't believe the bullshit this kid was feeding him. "You just might be our secret weapon this year…” Wymack said, before turning around and leaving Neil confused about what he meant.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil sees and participates in one of Andrew and Renee's fights and have a passionate discourse about spiders vs snakes.

Life with Andrew was very different than Neil had ever imagined.

First, there was a very high number of roof encounters, which made him snicker every time he remembered that Andrew was actually afraid of heights.

Second, Andrew had the weird hobby of buying him clothes that Nicky would describe as sexy to Neil’s chagrin and Matt’s chuckles.

Third, Neil had to dodge even more questions about his sexuality, especially from Allison and Nicky, that were ready to kidnap him for info. His “ _I don’t swing_ ” was still the only answer he gave them, and it was true. They just didn’t understand the intricacies of his sexual orientation and he wasn’t going to expose his and Andrew’s personal life to people he met barely a month ago.

And fourth, Neil never thought he would actively choose to see someone charge at Andrew with knives and fists. But alas, there he was, seeing Andrew and Renee fight each other with all the viciousness of sworn enemies, but as soon as they stopped the fight, they would banter together, drinking water or sports drinks, like they had just run together for a few miles.

“Neil, do you want to train too?” Renee asked him the second time he appeared with Andrew. They had left Dan and Allison with surprised looks, in their dorm, when instead of only Andrew, Neil left with Renee as well.

Neil shook his head, his knees against his chest and his arms hugging his legs.

“I don’t understand people’s fascination with knives…” he said, softly and something in Renee’s eyes told him she understood what he meant. After telling him about her own past, after the first time Neil accompanied Andrew, Neil knew she would and felt more assured that he didn’t have to try so hard when it was just the three of them.

“Neil is good at starting a fight and then getting the hell out of there…” Andrew commented and Neil glared at him. “Or else he would be pummeled to the ground.” Andrew’s tone was mocking, trying to bait Neil. He knew what Andrew was doing, but still, he felt his own body rise from the floor. It had been too long since he trained with Andrew like that, a habit they learned while on the run, honing each other’s fighting skills without the use of weapons.

Renee looked between them, weighting Andrew’s confidence and Neil’s coiled nature. She smirked at herself and sat on the floor, like Neil had done previously.

Andrew threw away his knives, while Neil warmed up his arms and neck, and without any announcement both ran at each other, colliding like bulls. Neil could feel Andrew’s hands trying to pin him down, but he was faster and his legs stronger and that helped him move away from his lock. Both knew each other like no one else, even Renee, who for the last year had been fighting Andrew in a weekly basis.

“Scared, Josten?” Andrew asked, when both stepped away to take deep breaths.

“You wish!” Neil spited back and Andrew smirked.

When they met again, Renee actually winced at the sound of them falling to the ground. But she didn’t need to be worried, a moment later they were already jumping into action again.

By the end of it, Neil and Andrew were sweaty and tired, accepting Renee’s water bottles with appreciation.

“Neil, you are really good.” Renee commented, not in a happy sort of way. Her voice was sad and small and Neil smiled at her in a comforting way.

“It’s been a long time since I fought like this. It’s a good thing, really…” he replied and Renee sighed a tiny bit.

“And you didn’t injure any of you…” Renee complimented, observing their faces and what she could see of their hands and arms.

“I couldn’t bear to see Andrew injured because of me… our fight is all in good nature, more on the side of capoeira and speed than to actually injure… He was right, I’m really good at starting a fight… now when it’s to finish it…” and he didn’t have to end the sentence for Renee to know that if Neil wanted to finish a fight he would, and it wouldn’t be pretty or legal… “But I think I rather watch you two than participate…”

And Renee agreed. There was something on Neil’s eyes that she didn’t want to see nurtured by violence or pain.

Andrew was observing Neil and Renee’s conversation with something akin to appreciation. Renee noticing it, turned to him and smiled, which gained her a scoff and a roll of eyes.

And that was how Neil found himself warming up with Andrew and Renee every practice, discussing weird things that he had no idea how either of them could come up with.

 

* * *

 

 

“But seriously, spiders are worse than snakes… Just imagine a worldwide invasion of those hairy, eight-legged fuckers!” Neil was almost whining and his distressed voice made Dan and Matt look at him in surprise.

“Neil has a thing with spiders since a tarantula made her house in his pillow…” Andrew replied and Renee shivered. “At least that’s what he always says. The bitch wasn’t bigger than my thumb… He almost fainted when I squashed it…” and Neil pushed Andrew away with his shoulder, his ears reddening.

“That’s mean, Andrew. We shouldn’t make fun of other people’s fears!” Renee said, but Neil could see her fighting a fond smile.

“I’m just saying, he is biased in it. Snakes are worse! They have poison in their fangs!”

“Spiders too!”

 “And are quick!”

“Spiders too!”

 “And some of them can swallow a human being whole. So, yes, I keep my side of the discussion…” and Andrew looked at Neil like he expected him to say _Spiders too!_

“Snakes make noise when they move! You have no idea a spider is there until she decides to make her world domination!”

Renee was trying to stop the amusement from showing in her face, but Neil’s passionate discourse was making it hard. Even the rest of the team were now checking his expression, trying to understand just what the hell the three of them were talking about that was making the usually reserved Neil so overly chaotic. Only Wymack’s loud voice stopped the discussion and everyone’s mental observations about their newest member.

However, as soon as they started playing, spiders, snakes and a rookie’s fears were forgotten to the adrenaline and the speed of the game. It didn’t took the team a long time to realize that Andrew’s playing change when Neil was on court was not a one time thing. The ball would, without failing, find Neil’s racquet on the other side of the court, letting his speed speak for itself and win over his teammates.

“The fuck!” Seth would yell at Andrew, from a distance. “Are you really fucking or what?!”

But not everyone shared Seth’s furious considerations about Andrew and Neil. Kevin, surprising Neil, actually looked at him with something akin to confidence, and nodded in encouragement at Andrew who flipped him off as a reply. Allison’s eyes followed their movements with eagle-like precision and through Renee, Neil knew the former heiress had a large bet going on with the rest of the upperclassmen about the nature of his relationship with Andrew.

The first time, Renee talked about it, Neil felt himself get furious, not especially for him, but for strangers to peak into something so important to him like his relationship with Andrew and to bet on it. However, with time, Neil realized that was just how they were, that they meant no harm and were actually very respectful of his life, especially Dan and Matt that acted more like mother hens than anyone else Neil met before. Seth was another matter altogether, but since Neil learned to ignore him, and he hated Kevin more than Neil anyway, Neil was usually free of the older man’s angry and vicious words. The problem was sharing a dorm with him, but since Neil spent so much time out of it and usually when Seth fell into bed, Neil was still practicing with Kevin at night, they barely talked with each other.

Nicky, Neil left for Andrew to take care of, and whatever Andrew told his cousin, be it a lie or not, it was enough for the loud guy to stop pestering Neil at every waking hour. Especially when Andrew told Neil they would go to Columbia the next Friday. Neil had looked at him in confusion and Andrew, apparently using all his patience, explained about the house and Eden’s Twilight and how it was some kind of tradition for the group to go there and get drunk.

“You too?” Neil asked, not able of imagining Andrew losing the careful control he groomed for years.

“No, I drink, but I never go over my limit…” Andrew replied and Neil understood that the deep old wound of his past still ruled that part of his life. Never losing control, never showing your weak side, never letting anyone use you again…

“Yeah, me neither…” Neil said, softly touching Andrew’s pinky with his own. Andrew’s hand moved and his fingers interlocked with Neil’s.


	13. Chapter 13

After Neil's run that Friday morning, when approaching his own dorm, Neil found himself face to face with Andrew, that for all the stuff in the world, looked like a vengeful angel, at that time of the still dark dawn.

Andrew pointed towards the rooftop, and Neil pointed at himself and his sweaty appearance. Andrew nodded his understanding, and while he walked towards the stairs, Neil ran to take the quickest shower in the world.

When Neil opened the door to the roof, he couldn't smell the smoke he learned to connect with Andrew and not with his dead mother. Andrew's pale hair was slowly being illuminated in hues of pale pink and orange with every slow movement of the sun, on the horizon. Neil approached, making enough noise so Andrew would know it was him, and sat beside the goalkeeper, with his legs dangling in empty hair, the back of his feet bumping against the building's wall.

A cigarette appeared in front of Neil's face and he accepted it, feeling the soft breeze take the smoke away from him. Surprisingly, it didn't annoyed him as much as he thought it would. Andrew still didn't look at him, but his pinkie finger moved slowly towards Neil's, interlocking with it, moving weirdly, until Neil realized he was trying to turn Neil's hand, palm up. Neil complied and turned his hand up, without actually looking at it, until something light touched his palm, something that he was sure was not Andrew's skin. Looking down, Neil saw a small origami rabbit, complex in its design, looking like he was ready to jump from his hand in a suicide dive. Neil moved his hand closer to his eyes and putting his cigarette in his mouth, touched the small ears with care and affection. 

"Idiot." Andrew commented, observing Neil's fond expression.

"So, are we going dancing, tonight?" Neil chuckled at the absurdity of it, him and Andrew, dancing, in a crowded place... Yeah, right!

"Like I wanted to make a spectacle of myself!" Andrew scoffed and then Neil smiled softly.

"What if it was only us?" Neil suggested and Andrew's eyes shone for a second.

"Are you volunteering to give me a private dance? Neil Josten, who would ever imagine!" Andrew's ironic tone made Neil roll his eyes.

"Who knows? Maybe you would pay good money to see me dance? I could even striptease..." Neil said and he noticed the way Andrew froze momentarily. Whatever Andrew thought Neil would say, it was nothing like offering to striptease for him. A light pink hue appeared in Andrew's cheeks and Neil felt empowered. 

"Yes or no?" Neil asked and Andrew whispered a yes. 

Neil's lips touched softly Andrew's pink cheeks, tracing a path all over the pinkness and finishing in Andrew's neck.

When Andrew pushed Neil away to capture his lips, Neil moaned under his ministrations.

"Tonight, you are going to wear the clothes I'm going to give you, okay?" Andrew said and Neil nodded, too preoccupied with Andrew's lips sucking his collarbone. "And you will take your contacts..."

Neil froze, moving away from Andrew, as soon as he heard those words.

Andrew was looking at him with challenge in his eyes and Neil looked back.

"Neil..." Andrew said and Neil swallowed.

"Andrew..." Neil was almost begging, but Andrew's hand was moving under his face, stroking his skin and Neil closed his eyes.

"I'm going to protect you, always!" Andrew said with such certainty that Neil opened his eyes again, noticing Andrew's tense posture. "No one is going to hurt you, not even a ghost." Neil bit his lower lip and stood like that for a few seconds, until he nodded slowly.

"Okay."

 

* * *

 

When he let the last contact fall, Neil felt a presence behind him and looking up at the mirror,  saw Andrew’s reflection, leaning against the doorway. Matt was away with the girls, going to see some movie Neil could no longer remember, but that he had promised to hear it's entire recount from Matt as soon as they had the time. 

“That’s better…” he commented and Neil sighed.

“I don’t like this…” Neil confessed. “It’s like he is looking at me…” his hand moved towards the mirror and Andrew approached him from behind. Grabbing his arms, he made Neil turn around and face him directly.

“Can I touch your face?” Andrew asked and Neil whispered a consent.

Andrew’s fingers were light over his skin, they roamed over his eyebrows and nose, and draw the shape of his lips. Neil felt his breath come out in ragged puffs and his cheeks warming with every movement of Andrew’s fingers. Neil wanted to close his eyes, like he had done that morning, on the roof, but he could see in Andrew's eyes that he wanted Neil to keep them open.

“I googled his picture after we separated…” Andrew’s euphemism made Neil grimace. “You look nothing like him…”

“I thought you didn’t lie…” Neil's voice was barely audible, swallowing when Andrew’s fingers moved towards his neck, over his pulse.

“I don’t. He has the face of a psycho fucking killer, you don’t.” Andrew’s answer was simple as that and it actually made Neil smile softly.

“I helped kill people…” Neil’s voice trembled, remembering his mother’s finger on a trigger, her hand grabbing a knife he sent her, his hands surrounding an iron bar.

“Self-preservation, rabbit…” Andrew said, his index finger touching Neil’s chest right above his heart. “Keep this beating…”

“Or else?” Neil knew he was overstepping, but he wanted to know what Andrew was really thinking.

“Or I will throw you through a window… or from the roof…” Andrew said, turning around with a huff of annoyance.

“I will take you with me, remember? I won't fall alone...” Neil said to his back and he saw Andrew’s muscles tense for a second and then relax.

“You are always saying the same fucking thing…” and Andrew disappeared into the living room.

 

* * *

 

 

"I know it! Blue! Fucking hot blue!" Nicky was squealing at Neil's eyes as soon as he saw him, and if it wasn't for Andrew's close presence, Neil was sure Nicky would try to peek at his irises from much closer. 

Throughout the trip, Nicky kept coming up with the craziest theories of why Neil tried to hide his _sexy eyes_ , his words. The wildest of them, that Neil was actually an alien, trying to control their minds and that his first victim was Andrew. Nicky barely escaped alive and only because Andrew was driving and couldn't reach his knives easily, without almost killing the rest of them.

 

* * *

 

 

As soon as they reached Eden’s Twilight, Neil immediately felt like he shouldn’t have come. Even with Andrew’s presence making him feel safe, the place was too crowded, too loud, for him to be able of finding a quick exit if something happened. And the way the bartender, a man named Roland, looked at Andrew and at him, didn’t help anything with his anxiety, and if he could admit, a slight pang of jealousy. And finally, seeing the dust disappearing into Andrew’s mouth just confirmed his thesis that he was going to hate this night.

Andrew could feel Neil’s glare following his hands and after swallowing the first packet of dust, he finally looked at him.

“What?” Andrew asked and Neil pointed at the rest of the packages.

“Really? And I was thinking you were smarter than this…” Neil’s comment was received with Kevin’s roll of eyes and Nicky’s chuckle.

“This isn’t bad, Neil. It’s just for fun. You don’t think Kevin would actually destroy his future for this…” Nicky said, but Neil couldn’t stop replaying what Andrew told him that first night, in his car. About his drugged mother and how she nurtured that same addiction on Aaron.

“What about your brother?” Neil asked in Russian.

“Sometimes he needs something like this…” Andrew replied, using the same language, and Neil realized this drug was seen as a lesser evil. Still, seeing Andrew take it, sat heavy on his stomach.

Like promised, Andrew didn't dance and neither did Neil, however the other three disappeared into the crowd and only came back sweatier and drunker than when they left. During their time alone, Neil made sure Andrew didn't take anymore dust and didn't approach the bar by itself. It was pity, he could admit, but Roland was way too nice for his liking. 

"Is this your boy?" Roland finally asked, the last time Andrew and Neil walked to the bar and Andrew's eyes squinted at the bartender. "If not, nice piece of ass, hotshot!"

Neil felt himself blush and Andrew grumble.

"Don't fucking think about it!" Andrew said softly, barely audible over the music, but something in his face made Roland smile and nodded in approval.

 

* * *

 

 

When they finally left the club, Neil felt like his head was going to explode from all the noise. He was sober so, besides gaining the honor of claiming the passenger seat, it fell on him and Andrew to help the rest of the group find their respective rooms without anyone breaking a leg. After closing the bedrooms’ doors, Neil and Andrew faced each other in the corridor and without saying a word, walked together, down the stairs, and towards the back yard of the house.

The backyard was small, but still big enough for an old swing bench, big enough for three people, which meant Andrew and Neil had lots of space, but still sat beside each other. After Neil asked for permission, he moved towards Andrew, his right side touching Andrew’s left side from shoulders to feet, which were intertwined.

Neil sighed and looked up, into the starry night sky.

“This is all so different from before…” Neil commented softly.

Andrew had his eyes closed, inhaling the smoke from his cigarette, but his foot moved against Neil’s in acknowledgement.

“I never had time to actually sit and just look at the stars.”

“That’s a fucking sob story…” Andrew commented and Neil kicked him softly.

“Asshole.”

“Never said I wasn’t.”

Neil chuckled under his breath and closed his eyes. Tiredness from the week and the night and everything he had been through for the last how many years, decided to join forces and defeat his awareness. He fell asleep, his side pressed close to Andrew’s and their hands touching softly.

Andrew didn't try to move. Seeing Neil fall asleep was turning into a past-time of his, apparently, but somehow he didn't find it in himself to be annoyed by the younger man's over confidence in him. If anything, it gave him that weird, floating feeling in his stomach that he learned to connect with hot chocolate and the fear of falling from somewhere high: sweet and dangerous at the same time.

_Sweet and dangerous, what a perfect summary of Neil Josten..._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this, Andrew and Roland never had a thing. Andrew was way too preoccupied with Neil (and cough* in love* cough) to approach another guy, however Roland could tell that Andrew found him attractive, but something kept him from pursuing him. Andrew probably talked with Roland about part of his life too, like he was some kind of confessor...


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew dreams and Neil hates that the demons are still a moment away from catching them.

Maybe because of their close proximity on the swing, Neil felt when Andrew shook beside him. Or maybe he had a sixth sense about Andrew being in distress…

Opening his eyes and jumping into alertness, Neil immediately moved away from Andrew, his muscle memory working better than his brain. Beside him, Andrew was whimpering, his hands closed in strong fists, his knuckles so white, Neil feared he would cut his palms with his fingernails. His eyes were closed, but under the lids, he could see them moving in rapid motions.

Neil felt his breath constrict. It was not the first time he saw Andrew under the power of a nightmare, probably evoked by his memories, but it had been so long, that Neil was frozen for moments, until his brain kick-started again.

“Andrew! Andrew!” Neil’s voice rose with every call, his hands firmly behind his back, restraining himself from touching Andrew and make the situation worse. “Andrew, wake up! It’s me, it’s Neil! I’m here with you! You are okay! Everything is fine!”

The night was turning cold and Neil shivered unconsciously, his voice being carried away by the wind. He feared he would wake up the others with his frantic pleading, but he couldn't care less, not when Andrew was hurting like that and Neil couldn't help him.

When Neil’s words finally permeated through Andrew’s sleeping mind, he suddenly opened his eyes and took a breath like someone that just got saved from drowning. Andrew looked around, observing the almost empty yard, the only tree moving softly with the wind, the back porch’s light still on, until he finally found Neil’s ashen face, his arms still locked behind his back, his knees on the ground, like he was ready to start praying.

“Fuck!” Andrew cursed softly, his fists covering his eyes, like he wanted them to disappear into his brain.

“Andrew…” Neil said, softly. He had noticed the red liquid running from one of his hands and it made his stomach squeeze. “You’re hurt…”

Andrew looked up at Neil’s whisper and looked at himself, finally seeing the blood in his hand. He cleaned his palm against his black jeans, making the spot almost invisible to anyone that didn’t know it was there.

“Can I sit next to you?” Neil asked. he had rose from the dirt as soon as Andrew cursed, but he was resolutely standing a few feet away, giving Andrew his space, but still close enough for him to know that Neil wouldn’t abandon him.

Andrew observed Neil’s coiled body for a few moments, until he nodded, and then his eyes followed Neil’s approach, even when he sat in the opposite side of the bench, still not touching Andrew.

Before the blond could say anything, Neil grabbed the arm of his shirt and ripped it with a quick movement. He extended his hand towards Andrew, the black fabric hanging between his fingers.

“For your hand…” Neil said and Andrew, instead of taking it, stretched his arm and opened his hand. The palm was scratched and an angry red, small tears of blood appearing through some of the half-moon marks. “Do you want me to wrap it around your hand?” Neil asked, making sure.

“Yes.” Andrew said and slowly, Neil covered Andrew’s palm with the black fabric, knotting it together on the back of the hand. He knew it would be better to go search for actual bandages and peroxide, but Neil didn't want to take his eyes from Andrew not even for a second.

Andrew nodded and retracted his hand, letting it fall on his lap like a forgotten object. He observed the other one, that was red as well, but not bloodied and closed it until his knuckles were white.

“Stop! You will hurt yourself even more!” Neil suddenly exclaimed and Andrew looked at him, surprised, like he had no idea what his action could do to his own body.

“I was just making sure it was still usable…” Andrew replied and Neil quieted down on the bench again. His eyes were observing Andrew, while he took another cigarette from his pack and lightened it, letting the smoke float over their heads.

“Maybe I should go…” Neil said, clearly fishing for Andrew’s opinion. It was obvious Neil didn’t want to leave, but if Andrew felt better alone, Neil would give him that space, even if he spent the entire night next to the back window, making sure Andrew didn’t hurt himself again.

“If you want to go, go…” Andrew’s voice was hard and Neil read the subtle message hidden in there.

“So, that means I’m not making it worse?” Neil asked and Andrew actually shook his head. “Good, because I don’t want to leave either…”

Andrew crushed the cigarette against the bench and kicked the ground, making it swing suddenly. Neil was not ready and almost fell, grabbing the iron grate at the last second. Andrew’s lips quirked up at Neil’s shocked expression.

“It’s not that far from the ground…” Andrew commented and Neil huffed at him. And suddenly, Andrew’s eyes darkened. “Don’t worry about that shit… It was no big deal…”

“You were hurting, Andrew… That’s a big deal to me!” Neil was getting angry again at Andrew’s lack of self-worry.

“You can’t fucking save me from my head! Don’t you remember, Joseph?” Andrew replied and Neil deflated, the swing still moving under him.

“I know, and I fucking hate it!” Neil confessed. He felt Andrew’s feet touch the ground and stop the swing. He moved closer to Neil and his uncovered hand touched Neil’s face.

“Yes or no?”

“Do you want to do this or are you trying to placate me?” Neil asked.

“You are not that important in my life, Josten…” Andrew glared at him. Neil sighed, but still nodded, his eyes never leaving Andrew’s, in case he saw something akin to doubt marring his hazel irises.

Andrew’s face moved and his lips covered Neil’s. It was not rushed, or filled with passion and lust, like the ones they shared previously. This kiss was slower, sweeter somehow, even if Neil would never say that out loud, making his heart race faster than any of the other ones. Andrew’s hand stroked his cheek and Neil felt himself blush just like he did in the bathroom, hours ago. There was something about Andrew’s calloused hands touching him so softly that made him lose control over his facial features. When Andrew moved away, Neil finally closed his eyes and sighed, lost in the moment.

“97%” Andrew said, barely audible and Neil opened his eyes.

* * *

 

The simple smile in Neil’s lips was enough to calm Andrew’s still racing heart. Neil wouldn’t ask what his nightmare was about and Andrew wouldn’t tell him, not because it was some dark memory from his darker past, but because it involved Neil in a way Andrew had never dreamed before.

He had dreamed about Neil injured, while he was missing, but somehow, his mind was always able of keeping the more gruesome imagery at bay, until tonight. It was stupid, really, how only after finding Neil, or him finding Andrew, or they finding each other, did those dark images decide to roar their ugly head.

Andrew wasn’t sure what made it surge, if Kevin’s daily breakdowns and slurred words about Riko’s revenge, if sleeping in a different place from the dorm, his bed in the house or his car, or simply bad luck… But, what the fuck it was, it conjured scenes Andrew would never want to see come true.

_Riko Moriyama’s gleeful face floating over Neil’s crumbling one. A sharp knife, a lit cigarette, bloody fists, Neil’s tortured screams, Riko’s laugh, Andrew’s name sobbed softly with Neil’s dying breath… Blood, so much blood… Neil, pale and quiet, empty expression, his blue eyes devoid of life… Absence of life… Death... Ashes... A crumbling, on fire origami fox... A coffin, Andrew standing beside it, his heart frozen, Neil's warm skin still etched into his own..._

Andrew took a deep breath to steady himself, and before he could stop himself he grabbed Neil’s hand and squeezed it.

“Is this okay?” he asked and Neil squeezed back, the soft smile still reigning over his lips. “Maybe we should go inside…” Andrew said and the other young man nodded and followed Andrew, into the house and then, into his bedroom.

When Neil woke up again, in the morning, wearing an old shirt of Andrew and his boxers, he noticed the strange glint of a fallen object on the floor. The keys Wymack gave him, that now had his dorm key as well, were discarded on the floor, however Neil didn’t remember taking them out of his pocket. It took him two seconds to notice the new additions to the ring.

A car key.

And a Columbia’s house key.


	15. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last one...

Aaron scoffed at Andrew and Neil when he saw them, the next morning, sitting on the couch, almost glued to each other, watching a mind-numbing TV show. Neil was starting to think it was a permanently fixture on his face, however, he didn’t move away from Andrew. Something happened last night that made him change his mind about keeping their life together from prying eyes, at least the ones he was comfortable with, and he was still not sure if it was seeing Andrew have a nightmare, after all those years, or the thought of Andrew making copies of his car and house’s keys. Maybe a bit of both. Maybe just the desire of being able to sit next to Andrew without worrying what other people would think. What made Andrew change his mind as well, Neil couldn’t be really sure, hoping that maybe it was something according to the same lines of his thinking.

Kevin had an almost non-reaction, like it was something he already knew about, but wanted to ignore until it turned into a problem. And since Andrew was playing with one of his knives, ready for Kevin to start droning on in one of his discourses about the difficulties of being a gay athlete while trying to make a professional life out of it, Kevin choose wisely for once and kept quiet about it.

Nicky was another story altogether, but then, Nicky was always another story altogether. When he descended the stairs and found his cousin with one arm over Neil’s shoulders, he wheezed like a tea pot, his hands covering his mouth to keep his noise to a minimum. Neil saw him approach them with tears in his eyes and before blood could be spilled, Neil made sure to quiet him with his expression of promised doom and gloom. Since it looked like it wouldn’t work, Kevin decided to intervene, grabbing Nicky’s shoulder and almost dragging him into the kitchen.

When they were ready to go back to Fox Tower, a strange tension filled the space around the car, when Kevin approached the front seat. Nicky, for once, read the atmosphere quicker than him and Aaron, and pulled Kevin next to the other twin, before any of the two could grumble about it.

If he didn’t know, Neil would swear Andrew eyed his cousin with appreciation. When Nicky winked at Andrew all the possible appreciation disappeared from Andrew’s expression.

* * *

 

For the rest of the team, it took them exactly until the start of the school year to be 90% sure, when Andrew ignored everyone else that tried to volunteer to accompany Neil, during his first school day and make sure he was the one always expecting him by the end of every class. And the day of the first game to be at 100%.

Andrew played that game like he actually had something to prove, every shot of his reaching Neil’s racquet almost by mere wishful thinking. And any time a Jackal so much as approached Andrew, during a millisecond, Neil would let his body move towards the Foxes’ goal, before he remembered he had to stand his ground, that Andrew wouldn’t thank him if they lost the game because of his stupid worry about him. As soon as the game finished, with the Foxes actually winning by one point, Neil had taken out his helmet and gloves and ran towards Andrew that had spent the second half on the bench, while Renee guarded their goal. He had grinned at Andrew, walking beside him to the locker room, and after passing the journalists and finding themselves in the close quarters of the locker rooms, he looked at Andrew.

“Yes or no?” Neil had asked and Andrew’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion. “Your hand…” Neil answered softly and Andrew rolled his eyes. His hands were still inside his gloves, so Neil, putting his own helmet down, took Andrew’s hands, one then the other, and freed them from their gloves. Andrew’s hands rested over Neil’s, the striker’s fingers massaging them softly, until Andrew moved one of his hands slowly towards Neil’s face. Neil felt Andrew’s fingertips touch his eyelids and grabbing his free hand with his own, kissed Andrew’s knuckles, softly.

“Thank you. You were amazing.” Neil whispered against his skin, and from the gasps he heard behind him, the rest of the team saw his display of affection.

 

* * *

 

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If Andrew and Aaron reached a new deal a few days later, with Neil moving into Andrew’s bedroom and Aaron moving into Matt’s room, no one said a word. Even if Neil knew Dan and Matt worried about him and his relationship, he would deal with it later. He would make sure to pay the upperclassmen’s worries with victories and all his spirit being put into the game, and not even Riko Fucking Moriyama and all his fucking Ravens would stop them now. Not when Neil was almost sure he was the reason they were one player short, not when he could feel Allison’s struggle and fire to fight back within every minute in a court. He would make his team proud and stronger. Even if it killed him…

But for now, Neil would enjoy the setting sun, a cigarette and the soft texture of Andrew’s hair, while he was laying down, on the roof, with Andrew’s head on his lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you all that made this story possible, that cheered me on and that just made me cry with all your positive messages and own freaking out about this story. There are no words to express my love for all of you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!


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